We thought we'd be able to get out of our system all of the "absurd Hollywood life imitates semisatirical Hollywood art" observations regarding record-setting fake Entourage blockbuster Aquaman when The WB decided to make a pilot revolving around the second-tier, somewhat super-powered (Happy when wet! Above-average swimmer!) comic book hero. But then that Aquaman pilot became the fastest selling show on iTunes, some studio executives started getting crazy ideas about how the public obviously has an appetite for a character who spends him time chatting with trout, and we have this, as reported in today's LAT:

Fox has revealed its evil plans for what it will do with affiliates stripped of programming when UPN and The WB merge: the creation of a "21st century," "localized," "station-friendly" network called My Network TV (it didn't take long to come up with a name worse than "The CW," did it?) that will finally give Fox a place to dump programming too awful even to plug holes on the parent network. [Variety]
· Aquaman already shitcanned: A "major recasting" turns over the orange tights to Justin Hartley, sending original super-fishboy Will Toale to the unemployment line. [THR]
China takes a stand against the worrying social ill of human-toon miscegenation, banning all animation that shows cartoons cavorting with live-action actors. Plans to publicly steamroll extant copies of Space Jam and Who Framed Roger Rabbit? with tanks are still being finalized, however. [Variety]
Chris Rock will star in I Think I Love My Wife, a remake of the French film Chloe in the Afternoon. Clearly making a break with the Head of State era, Rock declared, "I can't wait to make a sophisticated comedy with all the good people at Fox Searchlight." [THR]
In an effort to prevent the continuing Emmy-hogging tyranny of TV shows that people actually watch, the TV Academy will let a "blue ribbon panel" decide the ultimate nominees for the best comedy, drama, and major acting categories. [Variety]

· Warner Brothers and AOL team up to create the web television outlet IN2TV, which will air library titles (read: Chico and the Man) for free on demand, though with four 15-second commercials per half hour. The webnet will also be able to offer interactive features with the programming, like the indispensable ability to win prizes if a viewer can correctly guess how many secret Christian references Kirk Cameron slipped into late season Growing Pains episodes. [Variety]
· ABC continues its predictable, yet oddly comforting, Sunday night ratings dominance. It's kind of nice to know that no matter what ludicrous plot twist surfaces on Desperate Housewives (this week: the gay-seeming pharmacist moves ever closer to becoming a serial killer), people will still tune in in massive numbers. [THR]
· More Aquaman news: The WB will give Aquaman the Smallville treatment, but it won't be a spinoff launched by the recent fish-boy cameo on that series. The new producers promise that the character won't "won't be talking to fish or riding a seahorse," which will basically reduce him to an above average swimmer who wears orange spandex to class. [Variety]
· Greg Coolidge, the man behind Cockblockers, is set to write the script for 5-0, a single-camera comedy about a short, 18 year-old cop. For NBC, exactly the hit-starved place we'd expect to greenlight Doogie Howser PD. [Variety]
· New Line will keep star Will Arnett busy in the rapidly approaching post-Arrested Development era, casting him as the lead in comedy Jeff the Demon. [Variety]