Hey Jeff—great meal. Just great. Well, it’s all done. What’s that? Did you say it’s time to “load the dishwasher?” Sorry Jeff—I now think you’re not very smart at all.

Nothing is more American than an enormous refrigerator, or dishwasher, an energy-guzzling monstrosity performing the basic service of making our lives a little easier, because we. Are. Americans. Is it time to panic over the decline in the American way of appliances?

A London man called the London Fire Brigade to report that his penis was stuck in a toaster. While the firefighters were not given a sufficient explanation as to how his dick ended up in the appliance, they were able to safely extricate the organ.

Americans: Why are we so nasty? Appliance scientists (appliantists) say that our average countrymen only clean their refrigerators once or twice a year—which is once or twice more than you do. We just don't know what we're doing, fridge-wise.