Aspiring astronauts: run, don't walk, to sign up for NASA's vague new scheme to blast you off to Mars, never to return. Don't worry—they're doing it on the cheap!

Three black men are suing a Manhattan McDonald's, saying it allowed nonpaying white customers to use the restroom but denied them the same access. The New York Post's famously incisive commenters have many nuanced thoughts on this sensitive issue. [NYP]

An 18-month court battle over a woman's right to have a backyard treehouse for her kids has ended, and the treehouse won. New York artist Melinda Hackett yesterday beat her cranky neighbor and even won landmark status for the structure.

[Two Red Cross workers walk away from a barn that was lifted off its foundation by a tornado in Wisconsin on Tuesday. Pretty easy for you to laugh, Red Cross workers! That poor barn is crying, though. Photo via AP]

[A commuter in Chicago deals with some hair-raising weather as storms whipped across the Midwest today. Image via AP]

The FBI has linked two recent shootings, one at the National Museum of the Marine Corps and the other at the Pentagon, to the same gun. A third shooting last night at a Marine recruiter is also likely linked. Jesus.

Everyone's favorite World Cup-predicting octopus, Paul, died today at the Sea Life Center in Oberhausen, Germany. Officials say he passed "peacefully in his sleep," and that a monument would be erected in his honor. Rest in peace, buddy. [Der Spiegel]

[Monday was the 25th anniversary of Doc Brown being gunned down by Libyan terrorists in Back to the Future, and the cast—including actors Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox—had a little reunion. Photo via AP.]

[A model wears a creation of Mexican designer Gianfranco Reni at the Mercedes-Benz DFashion show in Mexico City. Technically, though, that's a shark jaw, right? So it's not really Reni's "creation," so much as... God's. Photo via AP.]

New York's tyrannical mayor Michael Bloomberg, after winning his third term, now strongly supports an NYC ballot measure to restore the two-term limit. The explanation: "A spokesman says Bloomberg only supported three terms for himself, because the situation was extraordinary."

Wikileaks released another enormous trove of classified military records on Friday, thumbing its nose at an outraged Pentagon and seeming to stand bravely for freedom of information. But this time they agreed to self-censor some information, and they overdid it.

Frank Caprio, a Democrat, is in a tight three-way race for governor of Rhode Island. A White House endorsement could help! But after the White House made clear that Barack Obama wouldn't endorse anyone, Caprio told him to "shove it."

Now that Elena Kagan is on the Supreme Court bench, it's vital that she learn how to shoot a gun. That, perhaps, is why fellow Justice Antonin Scalia supposedly took Kagan to a Virginia shooting range last week.

The newly-formed International Quidditch Association is hoping to turn the game memorialized in the Harry Potter books into an official NCAA sport. Sorry, but until you can fly and cast spells, you're just a bunch of dorks with broom wedgies.

Massachusetts congressional candidate Sean Bielat, after running an ad showing his openly gay opponent, Rep. Barney Frank, doing gay dance moves, has now shared his opinion on gays serving in the military: Short people can't serve, so why should gays?

The search for Chhewang Nima, a Nepalese sherpa famous for climbing Mt. Everest 19 times, was called off today on Mt. Baruntse in the Himalayas. Nima was caught in an avalanche on Saturday and hasn't been seen since.

Certified nutcase Carl Paladino, who is running for governor of New York as a Tea Party Patriot, has been battered by the many ridiculous things he's said and done. Now his hometown newspaper, the Buffalo News, is endorsing Andrew Cuomo.

When people talk about Haiti, it's usually prefaced with something along the lines of "they just can't catch a break." Well, Haiti really can't. As of today, around 200 people have died, and thousands have been hospitalized for cholera.

Levi Johnston is on the campaign trail running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, and stopped by Real Time with Bill Maher. Maher asks Levi if he uses condoms. Levi laughs, then offers, "I'm a big fan of Trojan these days."

A British electrical engineer, Mike Thomas is selling his bomb shelter that he built during Cold War hysteria, and is asking for £350,000. It can withstand a nuclear blast 80 times the size of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima.