Newt Gingrich has often expressed his desire, were he to win the Republican nomination, to debate President Obama in seven three-hour "Lincoln-Douglas style debates." These area not likely to happen, for several reasons. But Gingrich has convinced Herman Cain to debate him next month in a "modified Lincoln–Douglas debate," the modification being, what... that they both argue the pro-slavery position? Hmm.

It does not seem like a question of whether retiring Sen. Joe Lieberman will support a Republican in the race for his Senate seat, but which Republican he will support. Which one would annoy Democrats, the people he represented as a United States vice presidential candidate in 2000, the absolute most? This is a call he cannot afford to get wrong. Joe Lieberman is on the eve of great decisions.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.

Apparently so: Ex-Scientologist Marty Rathbun has posted on his website the contents of a Scientology-penned document discussing an investigation into the private lives of South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker conducted back in 2006—not long after the controversial Scientology-mocking SP episode "Trapped in the Closet" appeared on the teevee. The Scientological spy memo—brought to our attention by the Village Voice—is just "one of a trove" of docs that Rathbun plans to reveal about the investigation, which involved rooting through Stone and Parker's garbage (scary), using public records to turn up info on John "America's Uncle" Stamos and other friends (creepy), and deploying Tom Cruise to break into their homes, jump up and down on their couches, and shake loose all of the deep, dark secrets stuck between the cushions (terrifying). [Village Voice, Marty Rathbun's Website. Image via AP]

Today's edition of Parade magazine features an interview with Republican presidential candidate/sultan of Texas Rick Perry, who says he went out to dinner with bloviating birther Donald Trump and now isn't totally sure if President Barack Obama was born in Hawaii or Kenya or on Mercury or what. Donald Trump is that persuasive.

The ever-expanding Google corporation doesn't seem to care very much if people regard it as a creepy, evil monopolizer. The Wall Street Journal reports that the company has talked to "at least two" private equity firms about helping them buy Yahoo, one of its major competitors.

Today in the Indian state of Maharashtra, about 285 girls received certificates, little bouquets, and—most importantly—brand-new names that don't mean "unwanted." Because that's what their names were, until today: Unwanted. And you thought Florida was a terrible name for a girl!

Unemployed? Enjoy apples, fresh air, and exercise? Then here's some good news: There are plenty of jobs to be had in America's apple orchards, at this very moment. Orchards in New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Washington, and Virginia, and probably a few other states can't find enough laborers to help harvest their crops. They're looking for you!

Herman Cain is incredibly pro-life and doesn't personally believe that it should be allowed in special cases like rape or incest. And yet his attempts to soften the edges of this rigid position are creating, for him, a miserable self-induced error that Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum are loving. Cain makes it worse each time he brings it up! What dumb new "tweak" did he unveil today?

Well, duh. Why did we believe that House Majority Leader Eric Cantor would actually go through with his surprise speech on income inequality today? He always walks away just when things are getting tough. And apparently a lecture hall at Penn's Wharton School of Business wasn't secure enough to protect Cantor from the catcalls of protesters, so the gig is off.

Libyan rebels are storing Muammar Gaddafi's body in a walk-in refrigerator at a shopping mall in Misrata. They were supposed to bury him today, as per Islamic tradition, but the AP says the interim government delayed the interment so the "circumstances of his death" can be determined. (Check YouTube!) So they've parked him in a strip-mall fridge and are trying to keep the hordes outside from getting in to tear him apart.

Rep. Michele Bachmann's broke, flailing presidential campaign is now being straight-up Newtered: Her entire New Hampshire campaign team, which was only about six people, has quit. Their reason was something along the lines of 'What's the fucking point?'

President Obama announced that he'll pull (very nearly) all 41,000 remaining U.S. troops in Iraq by the end of the year, fulfilling his earliest campaign promise and finally wrapping this whole debacle up. This is fine news.

It is simply not possible to refrain from publishing constant new stories about the indignities of working at Target, America's most clean and attractive union-busting big box store. There are all too many current and former Target employees anxious to send us stories of exploitation and generally disgraceful workplace conditions!

At a time of high unemployment and dwindling job alternatives for millions of Americans, Walmart—America's largest private employer—is denying healthcare benefits to many of its part-time employees. It's enough to make a (socialist) person cry in their craft beer (purchased at Walmart).

Top Republicans are starting to weigh in on Muammar Qaddafi's death and one consistent theme is quickly emerging: Barack who?

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, who only 13 days ago declared that he was "increasingly concerned about the growing mobs occupying Wall Street and the other cities across the country," appears to have transformed into a radical communist. He's now acknowledging that America's vast income inequality is potentially problematic. He'll flesh out his ideas in a speech tomorrow at that most suffering of institutions, the Wharton School of Business, where most of the people responsible for our income inequality crisis have picked up a degree or two.

A judge ruled today that prosecutors must release the name of the man who Tyler Clementi was having sex with when his roommate at Rutgers University, Dharun Ravi, broadcast their sexual activity over the internet.

A new report from the New York Civil Liberties Union says that police in New York are "consistently misusing and overusing Tasers." The study of hundreds of taserings found that the majority of them "did not meet expert-recommended criteria;" that 15% were "clearly inappropriate" cases, such as shocking someone who was already handcuffed; and that only 15% of Tasering victims were armed when the police zapped them.

Libyan officials have confirmed that Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi is dead, shot in the head during fighting in his hometown of Sirte. The first images of his body have emerged. Graphic images ahead.