Researchers, finally getting on top of the really important questions like "what foods make people horny," have examined hundreds of previous studies and come up with a list of real, scientifically-proven aphrodisiacs. And chocolate is not one!

Valentine's day approaches. Everyone wants to have sex. Quick: there's only five more days to work yourselves into a frothy state of arousal! Luckily, the Times helps us out with a sexxxy prix fixe menu. Main course? Love. Also, doughnuts.