In your standoffish Tuesday media column: Robert Thomson is talking trash nonstop, Michael Isikoff's liberal bias exposed, CNN is giving up on news, Good Morning America goes into the magic business, and shameless Onion regurgitation of the day.

ABC News is reporting that Joran van der Sloot—once a suspect in the 2005 disappearance of Alabama teen Natalee Holloway, who went missing while vacationing in Aruba—is wanted for questioning in the murder of a 21-year-old Lima woman.

The top kill method of pumping mud into the Gulf Coast oil leak has apparently worked. The pressure on the gunk geyser is very low and once it is at zero, they fill the hole with cement, the end. [LAT]

Vaughn Ward—the Sarah Palin™-brand, speech-robbing, Puerto Rico-bashing, "establishment" Congressional candidate—lost Idaho's Republican first-district primary to Tea Party-backed Raul Labrador, a known Puerto Rican, yesterday. What? The Tea Party voted against Sarah Palin and for a foreigner??? Unbelievable. [WSJ]

Well, alleged affairs. Though kid-tested, Sarah Palin-approved South Carolina gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley has denied it, a political blogger named Will Folks insists that he and Haley had an affair while she was married. First Mark Sanford, and now this??

Faisal Shahzad isn't the first terrorist I've had a crush on, but is it just me or is the new photo of the Times Square bomber not nearly as cute as old ones? The clink isn't good for his complexion.

Chicago chef Rick Bayless, known for his Mexican-inspired cuisine, was invited to be the guest chef for tonight's White House state dinner in honor of Mexican president Felipe Calderon. Not everyone appreciates he's been tweeting every detail about the preparations.

This morning President Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to be on the Supreme Court. But few people are talking about her qualifications. They only want to know if she's into the ladies. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

[Just an hour after a bomb scare, Times Square returned to tourists and T-shirts like normal. Image via AP]

[A woman flees the fumes from a flaming manhole at 40th Street and Seventh Ave today. This is the last thing Times Square needs right now. Image via AP]

The land around the Hollywood sign was going to be turned into luxury estates if someone didn't buy the 138-acre parcel first. A conservation group has now raised the cash. Who was the last-minute donor? The founder of Playboy, naturally.

[The lines of people filing their taxes at the last minute at the James A. Farley Post Office on Eighth Ave started early today. They're probably hell now. You have until midnight, people! Image via AP]

In your dangerous Thursday media column: a serious criminal charge for leaking to a reporter, Marie Claire goes all natural, the WSJ steals an AP reporter, and a new editor at In Touch.

[First Lady of gym class Michelle Obama gets a lesson on how to jump from a group of schoolchildren in Mexico City today. Image via AP]

Today we looked at Senator Tom Coburn and his surprising condemnation of Fox News. Many of you were impressed! But one commenter sought to remind us all what we're really dealing with.

In your malevolent Monday media column: another round of layoffs hits the AP, refereeing Henry Blodget vs. Felix Salmon, Starbucks liberals in bed with Roger Ailes, and Gerald Boyd's kind of sad memoir.

Nodar Muaritashvili, a luger from Georgia (the country, not the state) died after flying off the track during a training run today. Several other athletes were also injured on the track today. This does not bode well for competition. [AP]

Tiger Woods scoop-meister Gerald Posner has admitted to copying five sentences from a Miami Herald article for a piece he wrote this week for the Daily Beast about a Miami murder. He apologized and said it was inadvertent.

It sucks when news that you're under criminal investigation comes out during your civil trial. A judge in Shepard Fairey's legal fight with the AP today revealed that the lying Obama "HOPE" poster artist is being investigated for, yep, lying.

[Tilda Swinton, who would love to play Conan O'Brien in a movie, poses for a portrait at the Sundance film festival; image via AP]