Anthony Haden-Guest goes to Art Basel in Miami and finds commerce! "It was here in the lounge that a clean-cut fellow from Cartier exulted that 'art is at the heart of Cartier.' It was also here that I was told that 12 brand-new Audis had been flown in from Stuttgart for the fair—'Each has a team of five'—just for promotional purposes. You realize just where you are—at the center of an Art/Media/Marketing complex." [Radar]

At least now I know why I don't get laid anymore: All the old sleazy flirty men have retired, died, or moved to L.A. Anthony Haden-Guest tells the Observer's Spencer Morgan: "The massive streak of Puritanism in America has reasserted itself, especially amongst liberals. When I moved to New York there were still a bunch of good writers, often half-drunk, but still very good writers. That doesn't exist anymore. Where do they go? They probably go and teach at Bard." Suck it, Annandale-on-Hudson! And! Says a gal named Ruda B. Dauphin: "Everybody's greedy, everybody wants to make money, everyone wants to buy things. You wanna buy a yacht, an apartment. How much time have you got to spend seducing women or men? And it's a pity, because it's much more provocative to spend time seducing friends, lovers, possibilities, the girl next door, the boy next door. Come on. Come into my web. Be a spider." Oh honey, hold me, we'll get through this dark, sexless $12,000-watch-owning era together.