Welcome to Day 5 of Jolie WombWatch: We join you live as the world's downtrodden and miracle-needy—still frustrated over the lack of any measurable improvement since the last Chosen One graced our midst—sit glued to their ham radios, anxiously awaiting any verifiable updates on the official birth-status of Jolie-Pitt Chosen Children Numbers Two through Three. (The latest theory is that ET was right all along, and that the couple is covering up the delivery in order to score an exclusive payday with another publication. Conspiracy! Building 7! Runner 6074! Hill: Ego Only!) Meanwhile, Baby Truth is wheezing its tiny lungs out behind a full-on media-assault smokescreen. Most notably, Jolie graces the cover of the current Vanity Fair, where she describes all the dilletanteish qualities in Pitt that inspired her to break up his marriage:

Come ON, Angie. Now you're just teasing us. After countless denials, brush-offs on CNN, and a downright refusal to fess up already, Miss Jolie showed up at the Independent Spirit Awards wearing a dress so tight we could practically see the alleged twinset kicking their way through her pretty tummy. The black form-fitting gown she wore was hardly maternity wear, and made a point to tell us that we are suckers and she is crafty. Not quite an Eff You to the press, but rather a subtle "I Know You Know What I Know" kind of gesture. Personally, we don't think Angie's obligated to shout her knocked up news from the rooftops, and we actually applaud Mrs. Jolie-Pitt's brazenly ostentatious visual shout-out. Click through to see those future Chosen Ones up close and personal.