1) One of many Fashion Week kick-off events was the Agyness Deyn-hosted, Thierry Mugler-sponsored bash last night at Christie's, where Chloë Sevigny, Henry Holland, Kelly Osbourne, Peaches Geldof, Yigal Azrouël, Kelly Cutrone, Paul Sevigny, Kate Schelter, Jennifer Creel, Holly Dunlap, Genevieve Jones, Jen Cohen, Dori Cooperman, Ellen Von Unwerth, Padma Lakshmi, and Mary Alice Stephenson previewed the auction house's fall sales of post-war and contemporary art, impressionist and modern art, and fashion. [The Daily, Wireimage, NYO]

The six people above are all offspring of notable New Yorkers. Know who they are? Answers after the jump!

The voicemail recording on Andre Balazs's cell phone.

Andre Balazs has rolled out his latest ploy to sell condos at his downtown Beaver House: The "Beaver Butler" will allows owners to check up on their apartments via "in-residence cameras" while they're away. Unfortunately, the scenes featured in Balazs' promo videos—sexy, scantily-clad models engaged in pillow fights—aren't included with the feature. [NYO]

1) At the Harold Pratt House, the New Yorkers For Children Fall Gala was previewed with a Tuesday night gathering of Campion Platt, Andre Leon Talley, Jeffrey Kalinsky, Beth Rudin DeWoody, Dayssi Olarte De Kanavos, Douglas Hannant, Kate Schelter, Katie Lee Joel, Derek Blasberg, Debbie Bancroft, Joy Bryant, Daniel Benedict and Andrew Saffir, Annelise Peterson, Jamee Gregory, Fern Mallis, Jennifer Creel, Fabiola Beracasa, Oscar De La Renta, Thakoon Panichgul, Tom Florio, Zac Posen, Zani Gugelmann, Lauren Santo Domingo, Phillip Lim, Heather Mnuchin, and Peter Som. [Guest of a Guest]

1) The New York City Ballet's 24th annual "Dance With the Dancers" party was sponsored by Elle and Ferragamo. Fabiola Beracasa, Zani Gugelman, Allison Sarofim, Robbie Myers, Joe Zee, and Olivia Chantecaille wore Roman-inspired outfits, while Tatum O'Neal had everyone wondering what was in her glass. [Elle]

For those itching to book a room in Andre Balazs' highly-anticipated Standard hotel in the meatpacking district, the good news is that the views will be magnificent, as these photos inside the construction site make clear. The bad news is that the long-awaited lodging, whose opening is already a year behind schedule, won't be done any time soon, judging by the same photos.

Balazs is the hotelier behind a handful of boutique properties, including the Mercer, Chateau Marmont, and The Standard chain of hotels.

Hotelier and former lover of Uma Thurman André Balazs is selling off half of his hotel empire. The Standards in LA, Miami and Hollywood are up for sale— and so is Midtown's Hotel QT. The former brand is known for their 22 dollar forties and the sad model stuck in a glass room above the reception desk. The latter is known for the totally gross pool in the lobby.

• Kate Moss and Pete Doherty = Heloise, Abelard. Evidence? This is Kate: "You have touched my heart and soul you little fucker... You make me high my sweet. My skin shivers and longs to be held by you." Pete: "Smack and needle-free we shall marry in the summer and I become 10 times happier than any given smackhead. Huzzah!" Awww. (Seriously!) [Page Six]
  

Last night John Johnson's Eyebeam Institute celebrated 10 years of cutting some major edge with a benefit at their Chelsea warehouse. We were forced on pain of death cheerfully volunteered to partake in "tabloid karaoke." Somewhat sadly we found out that that meant being put in a little box with a dude from the Onion and some hot girl from Buzzfeed without food nor drink and writing headlines about the sundry blogebrities and artists who came. Suck! Though the event was meant to honor Arianna Huffington the so-called Queen of the Blogosphere (Take that Denton!), Lady Huff was stuck in California with a bizarre eye injury. (Another eye injury?)

A week after the New York Times spun a hefty cautionary tale on the dangers of buying a unit before it's built, they've gone and sent Suzanne Slesin to the as-yet-unbuilt William Beaver House, Andr Balazs's vaguely vaginal condominium on William and Beaver streets downtown. When Slesin gets "out of a cab at the triangular site," she's immediately invited to eat the fragrant lotus of the marketing mock-up and forget forever about returning home. And it seems, when it comes to unbuilt units, experience has no sway over love. Slezin immediately falls hard for the negging of architect Calvin Tsao's mixture of soft sell and hard-to-get pitch.

We were saddened to receive word via email from extratv.com, of all people, that Uma Thurman and Andre Balazs, her hotelier shorter-half, have once more, and presumably finally, called it quits. Well, they had a good run... we think.

• Gay men go bald, too—though marketing to them through stereotypical, borderline homophobic advertising probably isn't the way to go. [JoeMyGod]
  

Last night was the opening of the unfortunately-named Beaver Bar, the lobby/sales office/bar of what will eventually be William Beaver House, which is real-estate god Andre Balazs's new luxury condominium set to open in Lower Manhattan at some undetermined point in the future. Apparently, when one is looking to sell ridiculously expensive condos to the oversexed power-hungry Wall Street demographic, your marketing scheme should center on an adorable cartoon beaver. We know, we wouldn't have thought it either, but the guy has a ton of money, so who are we to argue? Instead, we sent Gawkslave Erica, photog Nikola Tamindzic, and videographer Richard Blakeley to cover the festivities. Enjoy a beaverlicious display of photos, plus Nikola's extra-adorable full gallery, plus dancing near-naked ladies on fire and the textual rundown after the jump.

A tipster sends along the invite to Monday's "exclusive preview" of the William Beaver House—the new Andre Balazs Wall Street condorm that features a "conversation pit" in the lobby with seating around fire jets. (We're not making this up. Really.) But what's with the name, Mr. Thurman? Glad you asked:

• Bruce Willis, who seems to think he's an expert on everything these days, likens the Colombian drug trade to terrorism. Put your nose where your mouth is, homeboy. [Scoop]

• Uma Thurman and petit hotelier Andre Balazs have parted ways; no more free rooms at the Mercer for her, we're afraid. Like she cares. [Page Six]

• In a display at their Barneys boutique, stationery company Mrs. John L. Strong is showing off actual stationery from A-list clients, including the addresses of Ann Curry, Lauren DuPont, and the Osbournes. Money can't buy class, but it can sell you out. [Lowdown]

• A Boston restuarant refuses to serve alcohol to teen actress Amanda Bynes. Poor Bynes; if only she had remembered to wear her Lohan costume, she could've gotten suitably wasted. [Page Six]

• Now that Millenium owns Reebok Sports Club/NY, only the prettiest employees are visible to customers. It ensures better weight loss results, really. [R&M]

• Lindsay Lohan is about to officially announce her relationship with Jared Leto, which we suspect will be consummated with a paparazzi-fuelled car crash. Let's just hope sensitive Jordan Catalano can handle the sting of an airbag. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• The delay in Katie Holmes's wedding to Tom Cruise is reportedly over pre-nup negotiations. Holmes's father is representing her and reportedly playing "hardball," meaning that when this tragic union finally ends, Holmes might walk with the cash but not the Xenu. [Scoop]
• Stavros Niarchos — former flame of Mary-Kate Olsen and current fuckpet of Paris Hilton — gives a homeless man $100 to dump a soda on himself. So classy, so sensitive — no wonder Paris enjoys his company. [Page Six]
• Rapper Ice-T suggests confronting bitchy Apprentice cast-off Omarosa with a gun. Meanwhile, NYPD begins filing reports in anticipation. [Lowdown]
• Hotelier (and accessory to Uma Thurman) Andre Balazs is rumored to be selling the Chateau Marmont for $45 million. Thankfully, a low bid from Soho House was denied — we'd hate for our members-only clubs to divert their attention from us for even one second. [Page Six]