Former Page Six gossip Paula Froelich is on a tear on her Tumblr right now. Among the bounty: A photograph ostensibly portraying glass closet homosexual Anderson Cooper—son of Gloria Vanderbilt, headline anchor on CNN and his own daytime talk show—supine in a pair of bikini-cut underpants.

Considering the leader of their flock is about as despicable a person as you can hope is only a ploy to get children to finish their vegetables, it stands to reason that members of North Carolina pastor Charles "Kill the Queers" Worley's congregation would be equally horrid homophobes.

On today's episode of Anderson, the silverest of foxes was introduced to Meow, the two-year-old feline who weighed nearly 40 pounds when he was dropped off at a Sanfta Fe animal shelter by his elderly owner.

As anyone who watches Anderson Cooper's daily RidicuList segment knows, the best part is not so much the substance as when the host breaks out his signature giggle over some juvenile Butt-head-erism.

Last time agitprop pop star M.I.A. fought a journalist, she tweeted Lynn Hirschberg's phone number. This time around, M.I.A. accused Anderson Cooper of calling her a terrorist—and then backed down when Anderson turned out to be an M.I.A. whisperer. Apparently you just have to compliment her middle finger, and all will be forgiven.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart recapped the inane time-killing methods that the cable news networks, specifically CNN and Fox News, had to employ during last night's coverage of the primaries. The Fox Newsies argued about home state vs. native state and Anderson Cooper took a walk to a gigantic glass cube to get no new information whatsoever. Good times all around.

Not for the faint of heart, Marie Colvin's last report from Homs, Syria shows the slow death of a baby boy. The city has been under siege for 18 days, resulting in thousands of casualties. Colvin was killed earlier this morning in the home where she was staying.

If you subscribe to the Twitter feed for Anderson Cooper's talk show, Anderson, then you have been subjected to a barrage of tweets about his interview with Madonna today. He even changed his Twitter avatar. He's acting like, well, a gay person who is about to meet Madonna.

For all of you who wonder what goes on behind the doors of the converted fire house where Anderson Cooper lives with his boyfriend, gay bar owner Benjamin Maisani, now we have a little insight. They throw really gay birthday parties.

We heard from a tipster that glass closet aficionado Anderson Cooper was bringing his boyfriend Benjamin Maisani to the holiday party for his daytime talk show Anderson tomorrow evening and alleges it is because the show is prepping Anderson's big coming out episode for February sweeps. Can this be true?

Ladies, today we learned that finding a man ain't always easy. Especially if he is a man who won't ever admit that he is gay! If only there was some fool proof way, some kind of test to put to your perspective man-in-waiting to decipher his sexuality. Fortunately for us, one commenter is a scientist.

Did you read Ben Brantley's rapturous (and rather eloquent) review of Hugh Jackman: Back on Broadway in the times today? He totally calls Hugh Jackman gay. Like he pretty much flat out says it. The paper just did the same thing to closet-case Anderson Cooper. Is this a new trend?

Today Anderson Cooper, the world's worst cook, had Jamie Oliver on his show to teach him how to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. As well as being a novice in the kitchen we learn he is unfamiliar with something else: rubbing breasts.

Dreamy closet case and CNN's chief hurricane correspondent Anderson Cooper's life isn't going to get any less busy, because his daytime talk show Anderson just got renewed for a second season. That means we'll get even more reasons to get shirtless, gun shows, scary bugs, and all sorts of other wooden interactions with the audience.

Anderson Cooper sure seems obsessed with Courtney Stodden. After coming to her defense earlier this week, Cooper once again rallied for Stodden on tonight's AC360, defending her right to pumpkin patch sexiness, expressing concern over her face, and even impersonating the titillating teen bride himself.

Anderson Cooper has been to war zones, hurricane disaster sites, and the Roxy after 6am, so he knows something about scary places. But what's the one thing that the unflappable newsman is scared of? Bugs.

On Sunday, child bride Courtney Stodden seductively sauntered to a scintillating Santa Clarita pumpkin patch with her hoary husband, Doug Hutchison. But before the couple could consummate the trip, they were pulled aside and precluded from purchasing any pumpkins due to the prurient nature of Courtney's clothing. On tonight's AC360, Anderson Cooper defended Courtney and her right to flaunt her "crack-o-lantern" when he put her jealous haters on his "Ridiculist."

We all know that America's greatest poop phone user, Anderson Cooper, will take every opportunity to take his shirt off on camera. But what about his arms? When he rolled up his shirt to get a flu shot on today's episode of Anderson, he paused briefly to flex for the crowd and said, "Welcome to the gun show." Then he got all bashful about it and his infamous giggle followed. Oh, Anderson, you're so cute when you don't know how hot you are.

Let's not forget to pull from the wreckage of last night's gory Vegas debate this underappreciated comedic contribution from Michele Bachmann: Her constant calls for the attention of Anderson Cooper, who was preoccupied with figuring out how to escape the building alive. "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson," all night long, with that folksy monotony you just can't find back East. So good on TPM for culling all of these cries into one clip! Although we should warn that you risk hearing "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson" in your dreams for about a week if you watch this.

What's going on with Rick Perry and Mitt Romney? Perry—who more or less slept through his first GOP debates—aggressively jumped on frontrunner Romney in Las Vegas on Tuesday night, earning an enthusiastic response from Romney, who gently touched Perry and attempted to teach the Texas governor the rules. Of the debate. You can smell the testiness! All the drama, and tension, of two coked-up frat brothers arguing about politics at 6 a.m.! And poor Anderson Cooper, the supposed moderator, just sitting there there on the sidelines.