Brian Williams is the blow-dried anchor of NBC Nightly News. His salary is $13 million per year. His daughter stars on Girls. But hey, don't go thinking Brian Williams is fancy—has he told you about his working class roots?

Jeff Toobin's fetish is too-hot-to-print. Outing Anderson is a national pastime and Barbara Walters has more sex than you do. If gravitas, hairspray, and that thousand-mile teleprompter gaze are your thing, here's your dossier for meth-smoking, anal-fisting, camera-loving news anchors.