Anthony Jake Murray, 27/M/midair, waited for five days in the cold last May to show off his freakish running, jumping, and climbing skills on the American Ninja Warrior obstacle course, only to have his dream denied.

The deal was almost too good to be true: Pay professional stuntwomen/actresses Jessie Graff and Tree O'Toole just $2,800, and they will gladly pretend to beat the crap out of each other for a live-action parody of the "Epic Chicken Fight" from Family Guy.