Tired of passers-by pissing in the alley behind their locksmith shop, a pair of pranksters from Allentown, PA, decided to install a surprise shower for future would-be public urinators.

On the afternoon of September 29 in Allentown, Penn., according to police, a group of high school students who'd just been released from school were moving so slowly while crossing the street that they'd stopped traffic. Officer Jason Ammary attempted to deal with this pressing issue by "issuing verbal commands"; when that was unsuccessful, he approached a 14-year-old student named Keshana Wilson to "get [her] to move along." Ammary says she began to curse at him, "inciting the crowd," which Ammary determined to be an arrestable offense. This is where this video, taken by closed-circuit TV and obtained by the Allentown Morning Call, begins, more or less. (It's missing nearly a minute of footage, for reasons that are unclear.)

We will all die eventually, yes, but now we know what will kill us: Aging pipelines! Well, not the pipelines specifically, so much as the explosions that will occur when natural gas leaks from those aging pipelines and then sparks and blows up, as happened in Allentown, Pa. on Thursday, killing six. There is, according to The Wall Street Journal, a "growing consensus that the U.S. has a problem with aging infrastructure," also, "federal investigators... are concerned about the accuracy of utility records on pipelines they operate"; a bill has been proposed to improve pipeline safety but it's unclear whether Republicans will support it. Of course. Look: Just don't light any matches for a while, okay? [WSJ via TDB]