A sixteen-year-old was arrested in Brooklyn on Wednesday for kidnapping the daughter of an acquaintance after the acquaintance "smacked" her for eating the last of his hot pockets. Yes! That is what happened, according to the Staten Island Advance, which cites "a law enforcement source"; the suspect, one Aliyah Austin—"a transient from Brooklyn"—was, in fact, briefly cohabitating with the unnamed "acquaintance" and apparently providing babysitting services. ("The source," the Advance tell us, "could not immediately say how Ms. Austin met the victim's father.") In any case, it was the fateful hot pocket-related "smack" (surely that qualifies as domestic abuse?) that set this particular wheel in motion: