Now, we don't want to alarm you, but it's time you learned the truth. Magazines sometimes touch up photos of celebrities. I know. I know! It's shocking to think that Redbook might not be the absolute model of a journalistic commitment to the truth. But there it is. And here's a good way to deal with it.

"No, they're not airbrushed," began Bret Michaels when he was asked about his recent nude Billboard cover, "I'm like The Situation's older older brother." Why won't he admit that he's been even a little brushed up for a magazine cover?

First, the airbrushes came for Heidi Klum's nipples. Now, in what one can only hope does not signal a trend that will leave Americans sexless once and for all, the airbrushes have struck at an even more vulnerable target: the male wrestlers of Wrestlemania. The city of Orlando seems to feel that John Cena and Floyd Mayweather's nipples are not fit for the public gaze. We pray this abomination is not allowed to stand. Below, close up shots of the monstrous androgynous fighters' chests.

Last night, the fire alarm went off at the Harper's Bazaar holiday party! But the resulting video was incredibly boring. (I mean, it was like, a fire alarm. And some queen going, "Ooh there's a fire." There wasn't.) But, thanks to the magic of a tragic and lurid dance remix of the native sounds from the video (so glad I spent that $500 on Logic Pro 8!), now it looks and sounds almost sort of exciting and flashy! (Also the picture of the car helps somehow, no?) OMG THE DRAMA. THE CHIC, CHIC DRAMA! (Also, they were totes playing Grace Jones, so kudos.)