When MGM turned over the reigns of its moribund United Artists label to Tom Cruise a few short months after the actor/producer/freelance detox technician was cruelly cast out of the Paramount family, we just assumed that the burgeoning mogul would effortlessly greenlight himself up a few blockbusters that would quickly restore him to his former position as the Biggest Movie Star in the World. But with early reviews of the forthcoming Lions for Lambs, his first UA-branded release seeming tepid at best, Slate's Kim Masters looks at the studio's next projects, finding little that would make one want to stomp a talk show sofa in joy: