Metallica, three music businessmen and one headbanging scab, just announced they will do something no men who shop at Armani and "accidentally" kick children have done before: They will have a sugarless, low-calorie soda beverage send them to perform on the icy, cool, refreshing land of Antarctica.

Tech makes you giddy. Tech makes you fly. Tech makes you sumo wrestle. These are just a few of the things I learned in the whiplash-inducing commercial for the BBC America show Gizmodo: The Gadget Testers, which premieres tonight. (Full disclosure: Gizmodo is owned by Gawker Media and that is 100 percent of the reason why I am reviewing a commercial.) Apparently featuring at least one person (Joel Johnson) that I hear I work within feet of but cannot be sure of because there are too many crappy TV shows to watch and Mariah Carey gifs to make for me to swivel around and survey the Gizmodo area of the Gawker office, Gizmodo: The Gadget Testers none the less seems like it's full of swell, fun-loving people whose gizmos make them say, "Yeah!" "Whoo!" and "Holy crap!" Spoiler alert: It's pretty clear that the gizmos passed their tests. It's pretty clear that the show does, too: The breathlessly frenetic 31 seconds of this ad spot just fly by. It's an exquisitely paced commercial.

Today's entry in the mesmerizing Asian infomercial arms race: Calorie Shaper, a special Japanese underwear built with a "honeycomb spring" that supposedly helps the wearer burn calories while performing everyday tasks, like walking to the bus stop and performing choreographed dance routines in the office.

Google loves Lady Gaga. But they're sharing the love with Justin Bieber, whose socially-networked rise to fame probably is an even better fit for a tech company. Google just released this Justin Bieber ad for its Chrome browser.

In May of 2008, a man by the username of Leftventricle did a rather noble thing. He uploaded a video of an old but memorable commercial to YouTube. The commercial was the first in the series that would become the long running "Got Milk?" campaign. It was the one with the guy in the museum who fails to win $10,000 on a radio trivia contest because he lacked the proper amount of milk to wash out from his mouth the peanut butter sandwich he had been so enthusiastically eating. You remember it...

You know what would be a great way for a surf shop to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy? With a big sale! On black products only. Wait, sorry, not "great"—"wildly inappropriate." [OC Weekly via Fark]

How to make $1.5 million dollars for 45 seconds of work, in three easy steps: One, become a world-famous, Oscar-winning actress (like Julia Roberts). Two, convince Italian coffeemakers Lavazza to pay out for an advertisement. Three, deposit your check.

Meet the Cliche family. This is how you depict mom, dad, son, and daughter in commercials. Hard sells, soft sells, and all different techniques are covered in this short film. It was first put together as an in-house joke!

No one knows if Perez Hilton will go to jail for tweeting pictures of underage Miley Cyrus'... "Hannah Montana." But he is losing advertisers: The View has pulled their banner ads because of "the morality of the issue." [MSNBC]

Judging from these promo spots, it looks promising. But let's not jump the gun yet. Saturday Night Live has been in comedic free-fall this season, and one brilliant comedian can't turn around a bad team of SNL writers, can he?

How has America made such big strides in science, technology, and medicine, but Americans still face the burden of eating with their hands? We put a man on the moon, but we still have to use a fork!? No more!

Today we saw yet another example of integrated viral sponsorship on The View courtesy of Stacy's Pita Chips. Their message? Stacy's chips are equal to or greater than alcohol at a party. They are wrong. And so is this video.

At least that's what I think is going on in this video? A sheep with laser-eyes is running around, gunning down other sheep in order to win the California Republican primary on the platform to end California's sheep infestations. Right?

Though an American institution, the Peanuts crew is not exempt from inexplicable appearances in Japanese advertising. Here, Snoopy and the gang's girls hawk hot pepper sauce with a song catchier than anything Schroeder ever played.

New York City personal injury firm, Greenstein & Millbauer, attempts low-budget advertising recognition, substituting a well-known spokes-gecko for a poorly rendered and clumsily oblivious squirrel. If you or a loved squirrel has been injured in an accident, call today.

Commercials for Tarako, a roe product marketed with marching kewpie dolls and children's choirs, are always strange, in keeping with Japanese advertisement standards. In the full-length Christmas ad, children chant incessantly while visions of fish eggs dance on their heads.

Hey, lazy Americans! No fireplace nearby? Layer up your Micro S'More contraption, pop it in the microwave for 10 seconds and bam! S'More Heaven. This product gets points for efficiency but loses them for this overly cheesy commercial.

The new Toyota Yaris ad recently yanked off of television probably holds the world record for most double entendres spoken in one minute. It's hard to say if this ad makes us want to buy condoms or a car.

Today's forecast: overcast with a 100% chance of polar bear. Hope you brought your umbrella!

Showtime has always maintained that its Jonathan Rhys-Meyers starrer The Tudors isn't your father's stuffy historical drama, but the new ad campaign suggests maybe it is, if your father is into gay gladiator porn.