Some people peak in high school. I wasn’t so lucky. I lost a lot of sleep as a teenager, lying in bed with my eyes glued to the stick-on glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, trying to figure out a way to dodge the assaults from older girls that plagued me each day at John Jay High School in Westchester, New York.

Child psychologists are now being told to acknowledge that 25—and not 18—is the cut-off age for adolescence. These new guidelines, defining 18-25 as “late adolescence,” will apparently stop children from feeling “rushed” though childhood.

A tale of Biblical overanalysis and high school angst, in comic form.