Amateur photographer Linda Pelletier of Suffern, NY has sent us the following image of a cloud formation that bears an uncanny resemblance to Abe Lincoln.

Here is a picture from the Internet of a man face-fucking what appears to be a Lincoln memorial—not the Lincoln Memorial, which is marble, and enormous—with his socks on.

The presidents we celebrate today were very different men. Abraham Lincoln loved to talk and debate and write and read books and be boring. George Washington was quiet and dignified, never wasting words. Abraham Lincoln led the United States into war over slavery. George Washington actually owned slaves. And in finances—the most important aspect of American life—Abraham Lincoln was a loser, while George Washington was the richest president ever.

The time has come for "Hey, Science," our relentlessly scientific weekly feature in which we have your most provocative and/ or dumb scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, quite unfortunately. This week, scientists ponder the question: Are there atoms of Abe Lincoln in my body right now??

You hoped it was over, but Rebecca Black's moment will go on. Also today: Lincoln finds his wife, Nickelodeon shows both old and new receive some good news, a new ABC show receives some bad news, and Ellen Page is headed to be neurotic in Rome.

Here's a trailer for The Conspirator, the Robert Redford-directed drama about Mary Surratt, the only woman tried in the Lincoln assassination conspiracy case and [spoiler alert!!] the first woman to be executed in the United States. It looks very prestige-y.

Is that Abraham Lincoln himself? No, but you can get caught up thinking it's him. Here is the speech in visual form; words, images, and patterns fluidly bending into each other. "Epic," Lincoln would say. Lincoln would say that, right?

The first major ranking of American presidents to include Barack Obama has come out, and whaddaya know, he's #15. Okay, sure! That's not a bad spot to be very prematurely ranked. But where does your favorite president (Nixon? Coolidge?) rank?

It's been far too long since we've had an upstanding politician remind us, in a conversation with Abraham Lincoln, that "taxation" is slavery and the Holocaust combined. (It's actually worse.) Thanks, insane congressional candidate Rick Barber of fleeting Internet fame!

While Honest Abe is widely lauded for saving the Union and freeing millions of slaves, his valiant fight against the forces of the undead has remained in the shadows for hundreds of years. Til now.

The trailer to Seth Grahame-Smith's novel Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter may have used the Civil War as an allusion to vampire-hunting, but we can't help but think it still looks pretty great.

This "niche fiction meets stuffy history" trend is getting inscrutable. Seth Grahame-Smith, who introduced us to Mr. Darcy's appetite for human brains, returns with news that Abraham Lincoln juggled the Civil War with a war against pointy-toothed victims of anemia.

Barack Obama will be sworn in with Lincoln's bible, and then he'll eat Lincoln's lunch. Seriously, the Inaugural Menu is all stuff Lincoln might've eaten. Spare us.

We understand the insatiable need for the media to compare Obama to Lincoln, we really do. There's no need to rehash the potential similarities all over again, because Newsweek is devoting their cover story this week to doing exactly that. On one hand, comparing a president-elect to a another guy from Illinois who did the job well makes all the sense in the world. And above all else, Lincoln was a good man. On the other hand, there are elements of this comparison that are wildly not suggestive of BO:

Click to viewBoomp3.com At an event honoring President Abraham Lincoln, highly respected actress Joan Allen was shocked that somebody wanted her autograph. Allen had always been proud of her work and the positive praise she receives from the community of film critics, but she never thought her work would reach the autograph seeking masses. The Ice Storm actress said, “Some of the critics will ask for my signatures, but this has to be the first time somebody who’ll probably sell it on eBay. Maybe my husband will buy it.” The autograph seeker offered another opinion on the situation. The seeker said, “I was really surprised to see somebody famous at this event. So I asked her to sign the nearest thing I had, my high school yearbook. Don’t know if I’ll sell it though. Estelle Parsons told me to stay sweet.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

Photographers improved their photos in post long before Photoshop. This gallery includes old retouched photos of Abraham Lincoln, Stalin, and Castro. [Scientific American]