Staff Sgt. Tracy Dice Johnson, a National Guard soldier whose wife, Staff Sgt. Donna Johnson, was killed in Afghanistan in 2012, has learned that she will receive survivor benefits from the VA, the first same-sex spouse to be afforded that privilege.

Emoticon-ridden macaroon recipe Zooey Deschanel may star in "low budget time-travel dramedy About Time," Variety reports.

Not to be immodest, but our research (reading the newspaper) indicated long ago that going to law school was a sucker move, for suckers. Why go to law school? All it is is racist beer pong and racist emails, and when you graduate your worthless degree won't get you a job, and you get all bitter and eventually find yourself in the comments of a Gawker post about law schools, telling me to fuck off for making fun of lawyers, because do I even appreciate what all the lawyers in history have done for the advancement of human freedom while I just sit around making jokes about something I don't even understand, asshole?

The Navy has banned smoking aboard all U.S. submarines. They will provide nicotine patches to help sailors quit. Which makes sense, because imagine if you're a mile underwater in a tiny metal tube and... damn. I need a cigarette.[AP]

The wait is over: REO Speedwagon is now a video game.

Brazil's president has placed the fault for this financial crisis right where it belongs: on "white people with blue eyes." They just look shady. Don't like it? Get used to it, Nilla!