If you were wealthy enough to afford your own private jet, probably the last thing you would want to do is stock it with things that reminded you of Abercrombie & Fitch, right?

Abercrombie & Fitch model Benjamine Bowers is suing the clothing company for one million dollars for referring him to a modeling agent who asked him to get naked and masturbate in front of the camera. The agent told Bowers that it was the only way to achieve "relaxed photos."

Yesterday morning, at the behest of pro-dandy British publication The Chap, "swathes of immaculately dressed chaps and chapettes" descended on No. 3 Savile Row, former home to the legendary Apple Studio, where they engaged in a peaceful protest of Abercrombie & Fitch's imminent soiling of the celebrated shopping street with a new children's clothing store.

I kind of hate everything about Aryan Youth clothier Abercrombie & Fitch from their blandly preppy duds to their lame publicity stunts. But, guess what? There is one stunt that always works: hiring a jillion hot boys to pose shirtless in front of their newest store.

Last August, Abercrombie & Fitch, the Official Outfitter of 50-Year-Old Gays™, made a media splash by announcing that they would pay Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino not to wear their clothes. Now three months later comes — The Litigation! *Lifts T-shirt, flexes complaint.*

Larry Flynt, perpetual king of the publicity stunt, has offered Jersey Shore's awful outfit wearer Mike "The Fitchuation" Sorrentino money to wear his Hustler line of clothes. This comes days after Abercrombie & Fitch offered him cash not to wear A&F clothing in the world's first case of reverse product placement.

The news today that ab-sessed teen retailer Abercrombie & Fitch offered to pay Jersey Shore instigator Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino to not wear its clothes in public has lit up the internet. Let's see just what is making the store so upset.

Known for hypersexual marketing campaigns with nearly naked teens, clothing company Abercrombie & Fitch is no stranger to controversy—but everyone has to draw the line somewhere. For A&F, that point is Jersey Shore star Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino.

It's Friday afternoon and if you're like me, this is a good time to stare at some shirtless men for no good reason. Yesterday Abercrombie & Fitch dispatched 101 hotties to the Champs Élysées (which is how you say "outdoor mall" in French) to celebrate the opening of its Paris flagship. That's at least 606 individual abdominal muscles! Never before have I ever wanted to be in a place so badly.

Belgian up-and-comer Florian Van Bael was at a Bruce Weber shoot for the teen-saddening clothing store when he was caught nibbling a French guy pastry. He was promptly fired. The models' food intake had been closely monitored throughout the shoot.

Bedbugs are destroying New York! Invading CBS, teen-dream clothing store Hollister, and now Hollister's cooler older brother, Abercrombie & Fitch. Their South Street Seaport location is closed while they deal with an infestation. Meanwhile, the Aéropostale people giddily pop champagne.

Every gay man's favorite magazine, A&F Quarterly, is back after seven years. Of course, the Bruce Weber photos are full of bare asses and other beautiful body parts. It comes out July 17, but you can start drooling now, perv.

Lindsay Lohan tried to pull rank on Taylor Momsen — and failed. Megan Fox successfully summed herself up. And Princess Margaret burned Princess Diana. Oh, yeah! It's your Thursday morning Gossip Roundup!

Those three distracting guys behind Barack Obama during his concession speech last night may all have been wearing Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts, but they were not part of a marketing campaign for the "edgy"/racist/twattish youth clothing retailer, the company tells USA Today. And while the Obama campaign is obviously guilty of bad crowd control for letting the jumpy "toolboxes" stand in the camera frame, they say they didn't put them there on purpose, or pick out their outfits, or even know who they are. For now, the Obama Abercrombie chuckleheads remain a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma, at least until their viral YouTube video comes out, or they sign some kind of Ritalin endorsement deal. After the jump, TV host Stephen Colbert floats his own dark theory about the A&F incident.

This mystery is bugging me: Why were the three young guys behind Barack Obama during his concession speech tonight all wearing Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts? Maybe it's a plot by the Obama campaign to win back the gay community, which has something of a taste for the youth clothing retailer and, especially, its catalogs, but whose vote is basically owned by Hillary Clinton. But gays aren't really a swing vote in the upcoming Indiana or North Carolina primaries, nor in the Democratic party's upcoming battle against Republican nominee John McCain. Perhaps, instead, this is some kind of bizarre attempt at product placement by Abercrombie, trying to latch on to some of Obama's rock-star appeal. Watch the Abercrombie boys shuffle around and holler during Obama's speech in the video after the jump.

• Lindsay Lohan admits to having an asscrack double on Saturday Night Live. Is nothing real anymore? Is nothing sacred? [Defamer]
• You know, we don't get fantasy sports leagues. Dudes check that shit every three minutes, and we don't have the heart to tell them that it's not real. But a fantasy celebrity league? That's about as real as it gets. [ESPN]
• Blogfight, resolved: Michael Malice runs back to Overheard in NY. [NY Overheard]
• Rebecca Traister spends way too much time figuring out why college boys are having erectile dyfunction problems. We have the answer in two words: coke cock. [Broadsheet]
• Abercrombie & Fitch will do just about anything to lure the Gays. [Consumerist]
• Oh, happy day: it's a socialite blog! Meet Melissa C. Morris, who has no problem marrying a man called Chappy. [Melissa C. Morris]
• One in seven of New York's east Asian immigrants is carrying Hepatitis B. Just something to think about when you start flirting with the locals at Winnie's. [NYT]

Hidden beneath a 30-second ad rests one of Salon's most entertaining articles ever: Benoit Denizet-Lewis' profile of Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries — a 61-year-old man who bleaches his hair and has a thing for Herb Ritts. The leader of Abercrombie's WASPy gestapo struck us as more than a little weird, so we went to Denizet with some probing questions:

Every once in a great while, Bill Cunningham's "On the Street" photo feature goes deeper than the Upper East Side's continuing fascination with Mukluk boots. Yesteday, he pointed out a subtle wrong in the world: On a day when the temperature hovered around 14 degrees, Abercrombie & Fitch staffers were seen taking their lunch breaks while dutifully wearing their company-mandated flip-flops.