I can understand that your confusion with your sexuality is a HUGE deal, but someone wants you and your friends dead. Perhaps you can forget what others think and focus on not dying. Also, be true to yourself, just saying.

I said Bristol Palin was bad when I posted the teaser for her The Secret Life of the American Teenager acting debut, but the full scene is even more excruciating. Palin is like a malfunctioning robot FROM HELL. Video inside.

ABC Family's latest offering is Huge, a comedy about a "rough around the edges" teen that's begrudgingly sent away to Fat Camp for the summer. The first two minutes of the show treat us to a strip-tease by Nikki Blonsky.

It really never will, declares HBO. Also today: lots of casting news, including a Real World cast member who continues to make good. New teen programming sounds teeny. And a romantic weeper finds its cast.

ABC "Family" premiered it's newest gem last night, Pretty Little Liars. We cut down the hour show to less than 3 minutes, keeping only the parts that people watch this type of show for... the sex, baby.

Because all the slots for MTV's Teen Mom were taken, Levi Johnston's babymama Bristol Palin will act for the first time on ABC Family's pubescents and placentas drama The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Not type casting at all.

Last night's premiere of Greek gave some well-deserved airtime to Calvin and Grant's budding relationship. During the episode, Grant decides that he wants to come out and tell their fraternity brothers that the two are more than just roommates.

Who knew ABC Family was chasing the Logo audience. Witness their college frat house soap opera Greek, which, as this clip reel demonstrates, may just be the gayest show on television this side of Bromance.

· We have more info on the lift of the Oscars movie-ad-ban in place since 1953: The Academy will allow one spot per distributor, it must feature only one film, and it must premiere during the telecast. The idea is that the high-profile and elaborate ads themselves will become a reason for the disinterested to tune in—like when gay guys watch the Super Bowl. [Variety] · ABC continued to see steep ratings decline in its Wednesday night lineup, with Private Practice and Dirty Sexy Money both down about 20% from last week's already low numbers. Over at ABC Family, meanwhile, 10 Things I Hate About You will become a weekly series, and Joey Lawrence and Melissa Joan Hart will star in a romcom MOW, tentatively titled, Whoa. [Variety] [THR] After the jump: Which vigilante actor is about to star in a vigilante movie?· Jamie Foxx and pap-busting Spartan Gerard Butler will star in Law Abiding Citizen, appropriately enough about a regular Joe who takes the law into his own hands. [THR] · The newly sovereign, India-based DreamWorks has decided to put off its big Wall Street pitch until the market decides to crawl back out of Satan's anus. [THR] · Mark Burnett will produce an updated version of This Is Your Life, except every week it's going to be Donald Trump's life we're reliving. (And he'll never fail to act surprised.) [TV Week]

ABC Family's new series, the ambitiously-titled The Secret Life of the American Teenager, premieres tonight, and the critics are none too excited about it. The Boston Globe's Joanna Weiss breaks down the show—about a 15-year-old who gets pregnant the first time she has sex—into its cliché character archetypes, which include the chaste cheerleader and her dutiful Christian boyfriend who, while tempted, must wait.