The NYPD is seeking a man who allegedly “masturbated to completion” on an uptown A train Friday morning while covering his lap with a black baseball cap. Not covering it well enough, apparently, because the woman who reported him says she distinctly saw his penis. She also sent Gothamist this video of the man apparently pleasuring himself on a packed train:

A Swedish woman was taking the A train to JFK Airport yesterday evening when a man attacked her and sliced her neck with a sharp object, according to the New York Post.

If your subway commute was more fucked than usual this morning, here’s why: Last night, thieves reportedly made off with at least 500 feet of copper cable from the A train tracks in Queens.