And another thing about these fuckin' kids today is that they don't know how to wear a pair of pants. How do you fuck that up? Whatever happened going down to Brooks Brothers and having some tailor taking your measurements and coming back with a pair of pants that fits? And what's with all the typing on the phone? Whatsamatta with everyone? Suddenly, we've all become Mr. Greenjeans and we can't pick up a phone and talk to somebody? I gotta e-mail my own son in order to ask him how he's doing. Mr. Big Shot never has the time to pick up the phone.

One time "cute" child actor but now just "creepy" actor Frankie Muniz struck up an instant friendship with fellow cute kid/awkward adult Alfonso Ribeiro while out in Las Vegas. The pair shouted numerous times over the music that they had so much in common being former child stars and all, yet their conversation never gained much momentum beyond that. At one point Alfonso quickly muttered something about knowing what it must feel like when doves cry which got a blank stare from Frankie. Alfonso shook his head and quickly said that he asked if Frankie had used a fake ID to get into the club.

Up and coming actress Amanda Bynes politely posed with 'celebrity' blogger Perez Hilton at his 30th birthday party over the weekend. In exchange for the photo opp, Bynes asked Hilton in the future if he could reframe refrain from drawing 'wee-wees' and 'the stuff that comes out of them' on photos of her.

While Kate Hudson may commit the most heinous of all fashion crimes by making her son Ryder wear Crocs, she still takes her son to all the hip playgrounds while keeping it green. Hudson also let her son eat ice cream whenever he wants and stay up as late as he wants as long as he listens to "IV" by Led Zeppelin twice a day and watch one episode of "Go, Diego, Go".

Some people go to New York City to see the landmarks and museums and some go just to stand outside the various morning news show in order to propose to their significant others. And then there are individuals, such as High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens, who just go for the pizza and to live on a New York City diet built entirely around eating slices whenever humanly possible.

Perhaps the second most unhappiest pregnant woman in Hollywood, Jessica Alba explain to a friend at Whole Foods that during the course of her pregnancy, her breasts were going to get much larger, much to her dismay, but much to the satisfaction of her baby daddy, Cash Warren. Alba already has been complaining about back problems and fails to see how this can be the biggest trend. Alba's friend mentioned that she's doing something bigger and far more greater than another Fantastic Four movie. To which Alba replied, I guess.

The extremely well respected actor told reporters last night that while he may often play God in the movies, he does not actually have a God complex. While he does appreciate people coming up to him on the street and talking about prior work, it's just that he doesn't have all the solutions or answers to your problem. Freeman said that there's only so much he can do. He also appreciates it if people quit asking him to be their outgoing voice mail message.

Sure, they might be successful and talented and, at times, capable of brilliant work, but aren't Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter taking the whole "eccentric artist" look one step too far? There's a difference between looking crazy and looking like a bum from Santa Monica who is bundling up for a long winter's night. One has to wonder if their child will rebel by embracing sports and wearing clothing from Abercrombie & Fitch.

Ethan Hawke was spotted meeting a future version of himself in the meatpacking district of New York City. Future Ethan Hawke, who has travelled back in time seven years, asks present Hawke to stop losing parts to Josh Brolin. He also reassures him that it's okay to do a big studio picture every now and then. Before returning back to 2015, Future Ethan Hawke tells him that our work would one day be appreciated, especially their literary efforts, then quickly added to seriously think about it the next time an offer to do a cable TV series comes in.

Reality TV and TMZ punch bag Heidi Montag has come to the conclusion that America isn't exactly laughing with her and Spencer, but rather, at them. To combat her feelings of sadness, Montag plans on eating this big brown bag of ribs, watching Mean Girls (she can so relate), reading The Secret one more time (because she didn't quite get it the first time) and, finally, having more "revenge" plastic surgery.

The much maligned celebuspawn Rumer Willis attempted unsuccessfully to get into Hollywood club Villa after hearing a rumor about a special Goth themed party featuring a Bauhaus cover band last night. Feeling semi-defeated, Willis then retreated to the Stevie Nicks fan club meeting at a nearby Starbucks.

An angry movie watcher caught up with actor Jake Gyllenhaal in a Southern California parking structure, demanding that Jake give him his "hard-earned" money back for the film Zodiac. The disgruntled man said that it was a three hour movie where nothing happens, and even made extra sure to point out that, by the end of the film, the crime hadn't even been solved! Gyllenhaal successfully defended the film, citing it as some of his best work. He even went as far to say that Jeffrey Wells loved it. The Polo ensconced amateur photog then walked away frustrated, wishing that he would've mentioned either The Day After Tomorrow or Bubble Boy instead.

Awkward auteur Woody Allen politely asks Donatella Versace how much longer does he need to stand here in order for Soon-Yi to get some free clothing. After Donatella incomprehensibly mumbled something in the lower-register of the baritone scale, Allen said that he had to excuse himself so that he could catch the score of the Knicks game. However, Donatella responded in kind by pulling a tattered Knicks schedule from her purse in order to prove that the Knicks, in fact, did not have a game that night.

You know, I neither want to nor have to hang out with a bunch of kids all day. With their sticky hands, runny noses and always wanting to listen to The Wiggles. It'd be so overwhelming. Kids. Always needing to be entertained. Anyway, now I can just go to the beach and just hang out or shoot off to Greece for a month after a movie wraps and just zone out. The single life is where it's at. Now go fetch me a daiquiri, Mr. Vin Diesel lookalike. Mama's thirsty.

With the way things are going in Hollywood these days, studio executives and movie producers should be treating this trio (okay, well maybe just Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow) like they are the two guys who know the secret formula for Coca-Cola. You know, don't put them in the same room at the same time (let alone fly together), just in case something happens. The impact that a Day The Music Died type of plane crash would have on the Los Angeles economy could be worse than the Writers' Strike and the potential Actors' strike combined. Let alone the crippling impact it would have on those clothing companies that sell t-shirts with quotes from Apatow produced films. Not to mention, all the dudebros and frat guys who would be left to their own devices to come up with something clever to say instead of quickly dispensing a zinger from one of their films. For all of our sakes, please travel separately from here on out, stoners!

After successfully recruiting Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith into the Scientology fold, Katie Holmes ponders whether or not it's time to pop another fistful of Klonopins: "I know that Tom and David hate it when I self-medicate, but every girl has gotta have a vice, right? And no, Louboutins don't count. Maybe it'd be best to wait another thirty minutes. Yeah, that's the ticket. Okay, the clock starts ... now! No, wait. Maybe it should've started a minute ago, when I first started thinking about this. Okay, only 28 minutes left. Is it just me or is this clock running extra slow today? I hate Tuesdays. Such a worthless day."

Dude, she's 15. Leave it alone and holler at somebody more age appropriate. What a creep.

The Riches star has tried just about every way possible to get us to notice her over the years. Playing plump, banging a screenwriter-turned-star, getting skinny, doing the music thing, etc.. After sputtering out with all of the above and finding herself running low on fame-enhancing options, she decided that having a baby is a lot easier than becoming a Scientologist or developing (and then kicking) a nasty drug habit. Good luck, Minnie, everyone is rooting for you!

Bruce Willis' current gal pal, leggy Victoria's Secret model Emma Heming, is playing the question off as if it's the first time it has happened. However, Bruce's face tells a completely story. Having had to say "she isn't my daughter" and "not cool, bro" to valets more times than he would care to count, he wonders if it may just be time to stop dating girls born in the '80s.

"That Christmas tree tinsel dress is fierce, but those gloves are a hot mess. You're a tranny from Transylvania! Did I get it right? I love that guy."