Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing in Heels comes out today. Don’t buy it.

Four hundred and fifteen days ago, Kristin Cavallari—you know, Kristin Cavallari—began writing a book called Balancing on Heels. That book, now titled Balancing in Heels, comes out tomorrow.

A reader sends in this fabulous photo from Book Revue in Huntington, New York, where Kristin Cavallari is scheduled to sign copies of her debut book Balancing in Heels this week:

In 2007, while her high school nemesis Lauren Conrad starred on the wildly popular MTV Laguna Beach spinoff The Hills, Kristin Cavallari debuted a new reality show of her own. It was a nine-episode web series called RealityLASIK, which documented Kristin’s experience getting LASIK eye surgery.

This is all really happening.

Future published author Kristin Cavallari got her start on the mid-aughts MTV reality programs Laguna Beach and The Hills. She has attempted TV projects twice since then, first with the disastrous Get This Party Started, and later with The Fabulist.

Today we break from our regularly scheduled programming to check in on Lauren “Lo” Bosworth, the perennial sidekick from Laguna Beach and The Hills. She never achieved the same level of celebrity as Kristin Cavallari or Lauren Conrad or even Audrina Patridge, but lo, she’s still here. And doing ads for Crisco!

Exactly one week—one week!—from today, Kristin Cavallari’s debut book Balancing in Heels hits shelves. Should you buy it for a baby?

On September 28, 2004, Kristin Cavallari appeared in the premiere episode of MTV’s Laguna Beach (“A Black & White Affair”). So began her transition from “popular high school student” into “person who gets paid to promote things.” What was the first dumb product our nascent reality TV star promoted?

As we noted yesterday, Kristin Cavallari recently attempted to count down from 10 and failed. On Wednesday, she began a 10-day countdown on Instagram in order to give away signed copies of her forthcoming book Balancing in Heels. “Doing 10 days of signed giveaways for #BalancingInHeels!” she wrote. “Like this picture to enter to win a signed book. My publisher @rodalebooks will direct message the winner each day [confetti emoji].”

Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari began a 10-day countdown on Instagram this week. On Wednesday, she posted a photo of herself surrounded by copies of her forthcoming book Balancing in Heels with the caption, “Doing 10 days of signed giveaways for #BalancingInHeels ! Like this picture to enter to win a signed book. My publisher @rodalebooks will direct message the winner each day [confetti emoji].”

I mean...

Look!

Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari will soon be a published author, but today, she officially became a blogger. Momtastic.com—a blog about fantastic moms—published a listicle by Kristin titled, “8 Lessons I Want My Kids to Learn Before They’re Teens.”

Kristin Cavallari, whose debut book Balancing in Heels hits shelves this actual month of our lives, has a jewelry company. That jewelry company is called—for reasons I never dreamed of knowing 403 days ago—Emerald Duv. What does that mean?

Have you heard that some of the contestants on this season of The Bachelor have chosen to wear shoes designed by Kristin Cavallari?

Two years ago, Kristin Cavallari served as a fashion critic on E!’s red carpet pre-show at the Academy Awards. How’d she do?

It appears that future published author Kristin Cavallari is at the beach.

If all goes according to (God’s) plan, Kristin Cavallari will release her debut book Balancing in Heels to the public on March 15. What can readers expect, besides pictures? Kristin recently told Bella New York magazine (NOT Bella LA magazine) the following:

In 2011, Kristin Cavallari competed on the reality show Dancing With The Stars. What was the best part about it?