It's a raw day here in the Big Apple, made all the more bitter by the malignancy of the news cycle. On days like these the Baby Name Critic thinks, how can we focus on baby names at a time like this? But the babies keep being born, and the parents keep naming them. So we soldier on.

And so, Sean Parker, bloated Silicon Valley asshole, and his wife Alexandra, an elf, have birthed into this wicked world a new male citizen: Zephyr Emerson Parker.

I can only hope the Parker family, multi-millionaires who threw a lavish, environmentally unfriendly, Game of Thrones-themed wedding last summer, are taxed at a higher rate for this baby name.

Zephyr, from the Greek Zephyrus, means "summer breeze." Emerson could mean many things: an homage to Ralph Waldo (spare me), the performing arts college, or the electronics brand, et al. Any way you want to spin it, it's a McMansion name. It proves that underneath the GoT cosplay, Parker and bride are nothing more than new money garbage people.

For those who have skipped to this paragraph: Full translation of this baby's name: Summer Breeze New Money Garbage.

Zephyr joins big sister Winter Victoria, whose name translates to "my parents live in a fantasy."

This has been Baby Name Critic.

Leah Finnegan is Gawker's Baby Name Critic.

[Pic via Getty]