Today the New York Observer officially relaunched its print edition, ditching its thin, pink newsprint for heavier, whiter stock. To commemorate the event, the Manhattan weekly gave open forum to wealthy New Yorkers who believe their new mayor, Bill de Blasio, has transformed the Upper East Side, home of Observer owner Jared Kushner, into a Marxist-Leninist communist state.

“I feel like I’m living in East Germany or Moscow,” a “Wall Street friend” tells Observer columnist (and advertising executive) Richard Kirshenbaum. “We used to run this town. Now I feel like they want to run us all out.”

An unnamed “financial whiz” adds: “First it was Occupy Wall Street. Now it’s a tale of two cities. All I do is work 23 hours a day, provide the tax base and make donations to every charity, and suddenly I’m maligned.”

“In the new order of things,” Kirshenbaum agrees, “the point has been driven home that those who live on the Upper East Side are no more important—perhaps even less than our friends in the outer boroughs.”

Perhaps.

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