Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson, the formerly Wu-Tang-affiliated rapper who cut off his own penis and jumped off a second-floor balcony last year, has finally given a full, candid explanation of why he did it. In short: “PCP and meth and molly and alcohol, and no sleep. That was the main thing: no sleep.”

Fucked up on several different drugs at the apartment of a famous friend he wouldn’t name (but says you would know), Bearer got depressed because his three baby mamas—”groupie-ass bitches”—had all filed restraining orders and blocked his phone.

“Did you cut your penis off?” VladTV asked him.

“You know, I did. I fucked up, my nigga, in a lot of ways.”

Bearer also claimed that legendary Wu-Tang producer RZA came through the apartment that night, but didn’t get high himself (“He on the level of sobriety.”) RZA hasn’t said anything about being in the apartment that night, and shortly after the incident, the Wu distanced themselves from Bearer. But Bearer said that he showed RZA his new video that night, and RZA thought that shit was dope. (Hmm.)

As for the current state of his penis, he says “It’s not a myth, the black man do—we hangin’, so I’m still able to work with what I’m able to work with, and get it down.”

“The reattachment shit is all mythological,” though.

(“The sensation is still there. I definitely still get extremely aroused if I see a beautiful woman,” he told the New York Daily News last year, “That being said, I definitely believe sex is for mortals, and I am god. So this is a blessing, not a curse.”)

Say what you want about a man who got high enough to take a knife to his own dick, but at least he’s owning it.

“I’m the only man ever did what the fuck I did, and I’m proud of it. Why? In the annals of history, I don’t think you got anybody who ever did it,” he said. “That was a flooper, we all done woke up from a flooper. Maybe not a flooper as big as me.”

Oh, and the jump from the balcony, too:

“How I jumped was just so heroic. I supermanned out that motherfucker.”

[h/t Uproxx]