Yesterday, Gawker Editor-in-Chief Alex Pareene lied to you, the readers here at Gawker.com. He said, should you write into the Gawker tips line with your phone number, that I would then text you an obscene image of the popular children’s character “Shrek.” I agreed to no such thing. I will, however, share that obscene image with you now.

But first—why did Alex make this false promise? When I asked him, he said, “Because you had spent like 12 hours sending obscene pictures of Shrek to everyone you knew, seemingly. So I thought, why not offer that experience to our readers?” Fair enough.

Now, before I show you Shrek’s dick, I must ask: Please do not send us any more requests for Shrek nudes. For our tips box now looks like this:

So you want to see the Shrek nudes? Here is your Shrek nude.

And have a nice rest of your day.