King Nazir Muhammad, NewsBlaze.com contributing writer and self-proclaimed "Lesbian Messiah," has today advocated his most radical program of gender equality yet: lesbianism for all women. Is the Messiah's program humanity's only hope?

A well-known conservative pundit and secrecy expert who once worked as an NSA officer has deleted all of his social media accounts after screenshots leaked this weekend that appeared to show him sending sexy messages and a shot of his soft penis to a Twitter follower who was not his wife.

Prince — pioneering musician, style icon, and intellectual property miser — has written a song about an internet meme.

After meeting with Iraqi leaders today in Baghdad, Secretary of State John Kerry said that as ISIS grows more powerful in Iraq, the U.S. is less inclined to wait for a political solution to the crisis before taking military action.

We've all walked the wine aisle of the local market, wondering whether the $10 wine is that much different from the $15 wine. For some, the decision requires little more than illegal action: Earlier this month, two thieves at a Boston-area Wegman's made off with over $10,000 in expensive vino.

That little blue "verified" checkmark on Twitter means something. It's for stars, people the common folk aspire to emulate. People whose valuable Personal Brands™ are at stake. People like William Shatner. And definitely not those pissant "nobodies" in the media.

The top 100 U.S. advertisers spent $108.6 billion on advertising last year, which is why the advertising industry will never die even though it is mostly evil lies and nonsense created by self-loathing bastards for sellouts (like you and me).

Neo-nazi hipsters. How long before they make the jump from Heidelberg to Williamsburg?

The Syrian government claimed Monday that airstrikes launched by Israel last night killed four people and wounded nine. So far Syria has not said if it will retaliate; if it does, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has promised not to back down.

In the first chapter of D.H. Lawrence's late novel, The Plumed Serpent, an Irishwoman named Kate has a terrible experience at a Mexico City bullfight. The book is set during the Mexican revolution. Kate is overwhelmed by the sights and sounds in the arena and by the murderous event itself. Afterward, she tells a driver:

One of Ukraine's pro-Russian rebel leaders, Alexander Borodai, announced today that the rebels will honor the cease fire ordered last week by Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko. Over 350 people have been killed in the conflict between Kiev and the eastern rebels since May.

When self-described sad girl Lana Del Rey recently told The Guardian, "I wish I was dead already," she envisioned joining the ranks of her gone-too-soon heroes like Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain. Tropes, tropes, tropes: the girl's got 'em.

Chelsea Clinton, a woman who was paid $600,000 per year by a television network just to be named "Chelsea Clinton," has been doing some soul-searching. "I was curious if I could care about [money] on some fundamental level, and I couldn't," she says. "That wasn't the metric of success I wanted in my life."

One of the great joys of reading Justice Antonin Scalia's opinions, even when the question presented is relatively boring, is parsing his strange analogies. Last week, we learned he hated rock music, and believed that purchasing a gun is like purchasing milk and eggs. This week, he has some views on coffee to share. With bonus unnecessary Latin.

As we've been told a million times before, "Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word fuck." Sadly, this versatile, essential word has been largely left out of English education in Japan, so a British fellow took it upon himself to fix the problem.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino cut the ribbon on his tanning salon in Middletown, New Jersey on March 1 of this year. He made it 103 days before being accused of bouncing checks and 111—to this past Tuesday—before being arrested there for fighting his brother. Yesterday, I took a drive down to the most heated tanning salon in America.

With the impending return of his Comedy Central awkwardfest Nathan For You and a recent profile in the New York Times Magazine, comedian Nathan Fielder has never been more visible. And neither has the porn he's been somewhat subtly sneaking onto Instagram.

In 2010, Northwestern University's esteemed, sanctimonious Medill journalism school changed its name to include the phrase "integrated marketing communications," raising a few eyebrows among the journalists-who-care-about-honesty set. Now, Medill is apparently struggling to spell its own title. Instant karma?

While speaking at the White House's Summit on Working Families on Monday, Joe "Wilmington, Delaware" Biden said that despite what everyone thinks, he only has a couple polyester suits and a tub of old shoe polish to his name.

Jeremy Meeks, the California felon whose attractive mugshot caused the entire internet to simultaneously go into heat last week, is married, and his wife of 4 years does not appreciate the legion of fans lusting after her husband during this tough time for their family.