Fried chicken. Fried fish. Fried potatoes. Fried vegetables. Fried dough. All popular staples of the American diet. Hey guys, one question: why no fried fruit?

Last week, a good ol' boy chef named Lenny McNab won the current season of Food Network's reality show The Next Food Network Star, which makes it a bit awkward that the history of a hilariously vulgar message board poster that appears to be McNab includes the proclamation that he'd "fuck" one of the network's current hosts "in the ass."

***Disclaimer: I hate men. Do not read on if you like men.***

In Fort Greene, Brooklyn, the dog shit situation has simply gotten out of hand.

Inmates made good on their promise from earlier this month (when Rikers instituted a new, earlier bedtime) and rioted Monday night in response to the prison's interference with the most sacred of bonds: the one we share with television. "They went nuts because they are being locked up at 9 p.m. and missing all of their favorite TV shows," a Department of Corrections source told the New York Post.

In a gross play for publicity, Duane Chapman, better known as Dog the Bounty Hunter, announced he would hunt down a mixed martial arts fighter accused of beating his girlfriend this weekend. In other news, a Dog the Bounty Hunter show is apparently still on TV.

Lt. Keith Boyd of the Marin County sheriff's office confirmed in a press conference this afternoon that beloved actor Robin Williams did commit suicide in his home in Tiburon, Calif. on Monday morning. He died of "asphyxia due to hanging," and cuts were also found on his wrists. Boyd said Williams was found by his personal assistant with a belt around his neck.

Vice News reporter Medyan Dairieh's unprecedented video series on the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria continues with its third installment today, in which Dairieh shadows the religious police through their Syrian capital, Raqqa, and visits prisoners whose "crimes" involved not being sufficiently Muslim.

A 12-year-old serial vehicle thief has allegedly struck again in Springfield, Fla. Michael Propst has already been in juvenile detention twice this summer for stealing two different school buses and taking them on joyrides. Now he's being accused of stealing a pickup truck.

"Student debt is growing faster for seniors than for any other age group," and the government is garnishing more Social Security checks as a result. Enjoy your retirement.

Last week, the New York Post put "squeegee man" Gregg Washington on its cover. Two days later, he was arrested. Now, after his release from jail, he says the ordeal cost him his livelihood.

The first time I saw two laxers on the 2 train, I sneakily snapped a photo, giddy with delight that there may be somewhere I could play lacrosse in New York City.

You may have heard that BuzzFeed recently landed $50 million in venture capital, with which it hopes to transcend its long-time status as a “content laboratory” for shareable listicles, strange quizzes and LOL-worthy videos. Earlier this year, however, the viral news website went with a much cheaper strategy: Permanently erasing thousands of specious, staff-written posts.

If you think you know the ending of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire, there's a chance you're right. GRRM told the Telegraph that he's already decided how his wildly popular fantasy series will wrap up, and "one or two" fans have figured it out.

United States Army soldiers care about one thing and one thing only and that is looking good when they are doing their workouts. Wow they have some new workout clothes and I think you are gonna be pleased, with the new clothes!

Alissa J. Rubin, the New York Times Paris bureau chief who has spent much of the past decade anchoring the paper's Iraq and Afghanistan war coverage, was riding in a helicopter that crashed as it was delivering humanitarian aid to Yazidi refugees in northern Iraq today.

Kendall Jenner, 18/F/Television, has been accused of walking out on a restaurant tab and then literally throwing cash at a waitress because the server refused to enable her underage drinking.

Dorian Johnson, a friend of Michael Brown who claims to have been with him when he was shot and killed by a Ferguson, Mo. police officer, has given MSNBC the full account of how events transpired that police have so far refused to hear. "I saw the barrel of the gun pointed at my friend," Johnson, 22, said. "Then I saw the fire come out of the barrel."

Gary Kiehne, conservative businessman and Republican candidate for Congress, wants you to think of real eastern Arizona values when you look at his new ads. Like pickup trucks and cowboy hats and men gesticulating and... say... what's going on with that young stud in the background over Kiehne's shoulder there?

The Teen Choice Awards, which aired Sunday on Fox, were totally rigged. We know this because Vine stars—who, as teens' choice of entertainment today, were up for Teen Choice Awards—told us so. According to Cameron Dallas, Matthew Espinosa, and other Viners, Fox let fans keep voting six whole days after the awards were already decided. Democracy is a ruse.