This video of Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea performing at Chicagoland's Toyota Park earlier this summer appears to show Iggy barely making an effort to lip sync over her prerecorded verse. Is it as bad as it looks?

Float Baby is the premier Houston spa for non-adults aged two weeks to six months to enjoy a 20 minute "hydrotherapy" session and full-body mini-massage. These babies have already experienced more luxury than many of us will ever know. Look at them, so calm and serene and ignorant of the world's horrors, of every awful thing you've probably done. The peace they feel right now surpasses the greatest moments of your sad, miserable life. Have a wonderful day.

Willis Earl Beale wore a Zorro-esque mask, probably the one you see in the picture above, throughout my discussion with him and director Tim Sutton (Pavilion) about their movie Memphis earlier this week. "Identity," he said, when I inquired about it. "We all wear masks anyway. It's a part of my whole thing." In other words: just go with it.

A French man depressed after the end of a relationship is headed to prison after admitting he called and texted his ex-girlfriend 21,807 times in a 10-month period, AFP reports.

The Economist is an intentionally fusty British news-aggregation magazine for people who pretend their Economy Plus airline seat is a wing chair by the roaring fire in a manor house. Editors of other magazines are required to discuss how much they admire it, but the contents are so boring no one ever talks about them—until yesterday, when one of its book reviews basically endorsed slavery as an economic practice.

"The ruptured ovarian cyst was the siren that alerted us to all the denial of our relationship problems. What I learned is how important it is to pay attention to the signals our body sends us." Pure poetry.

The Oakland Raiderettes will now be treated like normal human workers thanks to the wage theft lawsuit two former cheerleaders brought against the Raiders earlier this year. The Raiders are going to cough up $1.25 million in back pay per a settlement agreement reached yesterday, and from here on out, the Raiderettes will be paid above minimum wage.

In the years since The Great Recession of 2008, our nation has, on average, made great strides towards economic recovery. On average. In reality, all of the money has gone to the rich.

Sara Bean, 34, was walking back from lunch with her fiancé in Chicago's South Loop when a gust of wind blew past them, setting off a tragic sequence of events that ended with part of a stone gargoyle on the outer wall of the Second Presbyterian Church breaking off and striking Bean on the head. She died almost instantly, the Chicago Tribune reports.

At this point, no one should be surprised by the news that Manhattan is full of cavernous, bejeweled palaces, outfitted with fine linens and many pairs of fancy jeans, left to languish, empty, as their princely owners cavort overseas. Borrrrring. Tell me something I don't already know!

Delaware Governor Jack Markell accidentally tweeted a photo of a model wearing what the Daily Mail called "bondage gear" yesterday. This was embarrassing for Markell, but the model, Precious Little, was the one who was really upset—she tweeted, "I have INFINITELY superior taste in men & am offended anyone would associate me with this individual."

Jimmy Kimmel's Mean Tweets schtick has already visited the NBA twice, and now it's finally arrived in pro football.

You, the American consumer, are much like a mildly sedated monkey: passive; easily distracted; focused upon only the most superficial occurrences. A clothing corporation celebrates these traits in a new advertisement that will certainly catch your attention, you shallow monkey.

Judge Richard Posner, moderate conservative of the Seventh Circuit, has espoused the occasional nutty idea. He also has an ego roughly the size of the Midwest. But this week, he delivered a beautifully-argued opinion laced with righteous sarcasm striking down the gay marriage bans in Indiana and Wisconsin. Let's admire it together.

One more frigging person in New York City, now that actress Scarlett Johansson has just given birth to her first child—a baby girl—in the already densely populated metropolis. The baby's name is Rose Dorothy, and she is 85 years old, and she loves her grandchildren very much, and she really shouldn't be driving anymore except that her kids are leery of selling her Buick and taking away her sense of "independence."

Three men accused of possessing meth when they actually just had Jolly Ranchers were awarded $33,000 in a settlement with the NYPD, who arrested them last year outside of candy store It'Sugar in Coney Island.

The recent flood of leaked celebrity nudes was a number of things: Gross, sad, frustrating, eye-opening. And, finally, somewhere down the list, it was: BORING.

Lily Marie Hartwell, 14, of Port Richey, Fla. reportedly admitted to police that she set her family's home on fire early Thursday morning by soaking a blanket and towel with rum and bleach and then lighting them in her garage, knowing her mother and nine-year-old brother were asleep inside. Her family managed to escape the fire and when Hartwell was found later, she allegedly told police she frequents Slender Man sites Creepy Pasta and Soul Eater.

[A health worker in Liberia sprays a man suspected of dying from Ebola with disinfectant. Health experts have recently suggested that the blood of survivors might be effective as a possible treatment—especially because there aren't currently any licensed drugs or vaccines available. Image by Abbas Dulleh via AP.]

Stop looking at these dumb bunnies. Won't somebody think of the poor tourist? He's being smothered to death by their cuteness.