Entourage last night offered a fairly brisk half-hour that balanced the science fiction of Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Turtle displaying palpable screen chemistry with a fairly easier-to-swallow story involving Vinnie getting fired by a Wolfgang Petersen-type on the set of the extremely timely Smoke Jumpers. As Ari desperately tries to get the director replaced, loyal assistant/stapler target Lloyd runs through a list of names, offering only commode-demolishing Zack and Miri director Kevin Smith as being available. The suggestion tees up another Ari sledgehammer—we won't give it away except to say Red Velvet gluttony is involved—which elicited this reaction from Smith on his message board:

It's becoming a holiday tradition: Google announces a holiday party for Silicon Valley reporters at its Mountain View headquarters, and Valleywag's invite gets mysteriously lost in Gmail's ever-canny spam filters. The invitation for the December 8 event, held again at the Googleplex's Cafe Slice, is nontransferable, so we can't accept any pass-along invites, alas.But here's a clever idea: The RSVP form allows you to suggest a colleague in your place. It would be a pity if jealous colleagues at, say, the New York Times filled out the form for John Markoff and suggested they attend in his place. I just declined on behalf of AllThingsD's Kara Swisher — though she could always crash as the guest of her wife, Google executive Megan Smith. Here's the full invite:

Twilight's Last Gleaming: If you're not reading this from the line outside the Mann Village, here's what you're missing: Nikki Finke reports that Twilight fans are piling up in Westwood by the hundreds, camping out in anticipation of tonight's premiere event. The accompanying photo was published last night; any readers nearby who have a clean shot at the tent city sure to have emerged in the interim are encouraged to send a photo. There's only a week of hype remaining — every precious second counts. [DHD]

The Prop 8 fight isn't the only battle raging in California right now. As we complain about the cold here in New York, huge wildfires are quickly gobbling up large swaths of Southern California. Some 30,000 people have fled their homes, and a reported 1,000 houses have been destroyed. It's pretty apocalyptic looking. As one Flickr member noted, there are scenes of scorched earth and sky that remind us of Cormac McCarthy's end of the world novel The Road. We've put together a gallery of some of our favorite images from Flickr after the jump. Harrowing stuff.

First African-American President Elect Barack Obama's confident smile and kind eyes are an inspiration to us all, so why not commemorate his historic achievement on a "priceless work of art," in the form of a collectible plate? Not just any plate; a fine porcelain Historic Victory Plate featuring our dear leader surrounded by American flags and fireworks, inscribed in 22k gold trim. Only two per customer please; demand is high. This awesome infomercial includes a happy white family gathered about their Obama plate sighing, "I never thought this day would come." It's really very American. Click to watch. And another thing that should not exist:

Stephen Colbert brought a preview of his upcoming Comedy Central holiday special to Good Morning America today, revealing a glimpse at a stirring interfaith celebration uniting Catholics, Jews, unsightly turtleneck devotees and a raft of other persuasions. But the brief sample of Colbert prying Hanukkah secrets from Jon Stewart isn't quite enough to make anyone forget how far a holiday show really needs to go to achieve immortality. From the head-exploding ambition of the Star Wars Christmas Special to the suave, sweatered croonings of Solid Gold, there's a golden era of genre excellence that even a talent like Colbert will find himself stretching awfully far to approximate. Follow the jump for five seasonal landmarks worth the effort, and godspeed outdoing any one of them.1. John Davidson, A Solid Gold Christmas (1982) — It was the year Davidson was in the early downswing of his raconteurial powers. And who could fault him? With That's Incredible, a running guest spot on Hollywood Squares and two of his own Christmas specials behind him, among the few milestones left to check off was "Completely KILL on the Solid Gold Christmas show." And kill he did, bringing a never-before-told tale of wintertime glee and his silky baritone to a riveted TV audience. Colbert's own style seems to have already borrowed a bit from this clip, but if he really wants to own the holidays like Davidson, he's going to have to lose the irony. And fast. 2. Kristy McNicol, A Carpenters Christmas (1977) — Leave it to the era's most famous TV tomboy to upstage her own honey-voiced host, but Karen Carpenter was just a fraction of McNicol's competition in the climactic ensemble number "My New Year's Resolution." Harvey Korman? Puppets? The infamously precise Carpenters band? Amateurs all! If Colbert doesn't revive this number, then we're not watching. 3. Bea Arthur, The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) — It may not be George Lucas's most reviled piece of work, but it's the only misstep he's disavowed. Traces remain online, of course, epitomized by saloonkeeper Bea Arthur's desperate plea to clear the Mos Eisley Cantina of its drunken intergalactic riff-raff. Colbert would do well to learn the mistakes of the past lest he be condemned to repeat them; no one has 30 years to wait for his show to be funny, unintentionally or otherwise. 4. Jerry Lawler and Nick Gulas, WHBQ Christmas Special (1976) — The Memphis UHF channel hosted its own wrestling-themed holiday show in 1976, welcoming legend Jerry Lawler and skeevy promoter Nick Gulas to the air to thank the city's fans for the previous year's support. And what a reward! If you don't cry at the pure spirit of giving here — particularly in Lawler's segment — then you're a Grinch. This kind of microtargeting will make huge strides in the Colbert-averse heartland. 5. Bing Crosby and David Bowie, Bing Crosby Christmas Special (1977) — The most awkward intergenerational pairing in the history of holiday TV, Crobsy/Bowie is beyond imitation — but not beyond homage. May we suggest some earnest, sexually ambiguous harmonizing with David Archuleta?

The job of Somali pirate continues to grow ever more alluring! Not only do they run around making millions, doing drugs, and collecting pirate groupies, now they are actually able to change the course of the world oil market. Can't say that about working at Barnes & Noble, suckas!

General Motors has posted its call for an auto-industry bailout directly to the Net, with predictably disastrous results. GM marketers have clearly fallen for the myth of Internet PR — that taking a company's message directly to the people through social media will give it a much friendlier reception than if it is filtered through the mainstream media. The reality?Slapping an infomercial on YouTube will generate far worse publicity than talking to friendly Detroit-based hacks on the automotive beat, who are every bit as dependent on the U.S. car industry for their paycheck as assembly-line workers are. The 81,724 YouTube viewers who have watched the clip are as vicious as ever, rating it two stars out of five (a mercy rating, surely), calling for GM's collapse, and decrying the notion of a government bailout. The only upside for Detroit's messagemakers: The instant YouTube reaction allows them to take their PR campaign back to the shop all the sooner.

Have you spent years building your reputation as a reporter? Are you a bit anxious, because you read a rant by Jeff Jarvis that says you're now unemployable for life? Never fear. Smug-faced Six Apart CEO Chris Alden is here to save you with The TypePad Journalist Bailout Program. How it works: You send Six Apart a link to "your last piece for a newspaper, magazine or broadcast journalism venue." Six Apart gives you a free TypePad blog. You get to keep a few pennies of the couple of bucks per month Six Apart will make from ads they'll run on your blog. Most important, the inept, self-aggrandizing management team at Six Apart gets to brag about all the storied journalists they've now got blogging for them. Thanks for the offer, Chris. But I'd rather saw my own head off.

File this under "good timing": just as the passage Proposition 8 ignited a gays vs. Mormons clash so intense that only David Archuleta can mediate a resolution, word has leaked about the next project from South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, a Broadway-bound show entitled Mormon Musical. The two have set openly gay Xanadu alum Cheyenne Jackson to star, and Jackson opened up to Pop Wrap about what to expect (besides, obviously, the angel Moroni slathered in gold body glitter):

Oh my God, shut up, Tim Robbins! There are few people more insufferable than rich, self-righteous Hollywood liberals. Remember how he thought his name was taken off the voting rolls on November 4 and threw a fit that drew the cops—when the real problem, explained the New York Times very patiently, was that he had showed up to the wrong voting place? He's still traumatized (the rest of us have moved on with our lives), and has written an "open letter" on Huffington Post—the LiveJournal for celebrities—to the Board of Elections:Robbins' letter, in part:

It's been more than three years since the debut of Writely, the free, browser-based alternative to Microsoft Word quickly snapped up by Google. Nearly two years since the formal release of Google Docs & Spreadsheets, now known as just Google Docs. Let's admit it: Google Docs is no YouTube, Gmail or Google Maps. A survey of 2,400 American Internet users by Clickstream found that half of them use Microsoft Word, but only one in a hundred uses the free, instant-access Google Docs. Obama's going to change all this, right?

The upside of being in a recession is that you can score some sweet concessions on a new apartment! Assuming you have money to get an apartment. If you're lucky enough to be a buyer these days, "Don't be afraid to ask for anything." So says boy wonder Jared Kushner, the publisher of the Observer and also a real estate mogul in his own right! Want to ask the current owner to come clean your kitchen every week? Need them to throw in a hypoallergenic puppy free with your purchase? Or something a bit more kinky? Nothing's too obnoxious to ask for, according to Jared. Click through to hear some buyer's wisdom straight from the lips that regularly make out with Ivanka Trump:

It's not just Ferrari dealerships and private clubs that are feeling the pain as hedge funds wither: Property owners in Midtown are now seeing a record number of finance tenants pull up stakes. Ramius Capital spent $22 million on marble office space at 599 Lexington Ave eight months ago and is now now looking to sublease one of its three floors. Old Lane, which was co-founded by Vikram Pandit and sold to Citigroup in 2007, has put 20,000 square feet at 500 Park Ave on the market. The Carlyle Group's Blue Wave fund is unloading its space at 1177 Sixth Ave. Over at 9 West 57th Street, which is home to Henry Kravis's KKR and Leon Black's Apollo Management, there is 30,000 square feet available on the 26th floor now that the Clinton Group is downsizing. And it turns out that Scott Bommer, the founder of SAB Capital, isn't just looking to dump his apartment at the Ritz-Carlton. His hedge fund is looking to dispose of 9,000 square feet at the GM building, too.

Life is getting harder and harder for 'Bolt' star Miley Cyrus in her 16th year, faced with so many of the crises that make our mid-teens such a dramatically turbulent era. Like the driving instructor taking less than kindly to her defiance behind the wheel ("I don't wanna turn left, I wanna turn right!"), all those cheapskate hangers-on who won't buy tickets to her shows, and the father whom the young phenom reduced to a punchline last Friday while in late-night conversation with Jay Leno. It must have been 'Miley Day' again; these rituals just get more and more painful for poor Billy Ray. [The Tonight Show]

Some days I wonder if Facebook would have been better off restricting its social network to college students, as it did when it first launched. Watching Steve Doocy, an anchor on "Fox & Friends," talk about updating his Facebook status in this clip confirms my opinion. His profile picture, which shows him "playing Santa," does nothing to reduce the skeevy-old-guy vibe. A tip to Doocy: When you're maxed out on friends, you can set up a Facebook fan page for your virtual acquaintances, saving the stalker-friendly details for people you actually know. And it requires no more egotism than was necessary to get the anchor chair in the first place.

Billionaire Maverick(s owner) Mark Cuban has issued a statement proclaiming his innocence on the insider trading charges that the SEC filed against him earlier today. He posted the statement on his beloved blog, appropriately. And when he says "I wish I could say more," you can trust that he's telling the truth. We look forward to an ill-advised outburst from him in the coming weeks. For now, the official denial is after the jump:

In recent years A Christmas Story has built its audience steadily—aided in no small part by its month of 24-hour-a-day airings on TBS—and overtaken all others as the definitively quotable holiday movie of our generation. The Cleveland home used in the film has been restored and open year-round for tours, and stands right across the street from the official A Christmas Story House Museum. But for those ACS fanatics so wackily obsessed with Ralphie's quest for a Red Ryder BB Gun that merely watching the film is no longer enough, comes the ultimate prize ever conceived: An eBay charity auction offering a Christmas spent living in the house itself. (Thanks to the Thighmaster for pointing it out.) You're bidding on an exhaustive recreation of the film's events right down to the Peking Duck dinner at Pearl of the Orient. The rest of the details are after the jump:

Russell Simmons Gets A Glimpse [Celebuzz/Bauer-Griffin]

Intel launched its new Core i7 chip today. John Markoff's behind-the-scenes report in the Times is a good alternative to the technical-stats posts you can Google up anywhere. Intel — and several thousand miserable business reporters — want to spin Core i7 as as a sign of new hope for the tech industry's future. Truth is, there are three reasons Core i7 can't save us all:Forrester CEO George Colony listed them last week: