Barack Obama should be allowed to keep his BlackBerry at the White House, writes security rockstar Bruce Schneier. The roadblock is a legal one, but there's a cultural rift beneath it. Schneier was born in 1963. He writes like an Old, but thinks like the Youngs. Here's the core part of his essay:

After he won 84 Olympic gold medals in Beijing and celebrated with a firm grip, Michael Phelps got a little screwy with his endorsement deals. He endorsed McDonald's, which made him seem insensitive to fat Americans who don't spend hours doing swimming drills every day, and he endorsed Frosted Flakes, which, you know, ditto. Some of his other endorsement choices came dangerously close to painting him as a nerd. But he's signed on with Subway now—a healthy choice! Screw McDonald's! But this causes as many problems as it solves for Fish Boy:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their newborn son "Bronx" last week, as you probably know. In case you're wondering, "Bronx" isn't one of the 1,000 most popular names in the U.S., according to the Social Security Administration. ("Manhattan," "Queens," and "Staten Island" don't make the cut either.) But, believe it or not, "Brooklyn" is now ranked 57th. [City Room]

Over the weekend, a man was killed in a bizarre attempt to storm the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Los Angeles. Here are four lessons we have learned from the story that could avert such a circumstance. · Don't exit your car wielding two samurai swords. You will be shot. · Don't attempt this questionably insane plan at noon on a Sunday.· If intent is to take guards by surprise (by wielding two samurai swords), do not announce presence by pulling up in a cherry-red convertible. · Just probably don't do this plan at all. Style points, though!

The Wall Street Journal's website traffic doubled in October as nervous-wreck investors tracked the economy's nosedive. But the usual WSJ advertisers — banks and luxury items such as watches — aren't buying ads to go on all those pageviews. Usually, advertisers confirm their planned holiday spending level to the Journal by October, so the paper can be sure to make space for them. This year, silence. It's the same at many other business publications. Good thing I already got laid off, so I don't have to worry about it.

More trouble seems to be brewing for Steve Rattner, the mega-financier who runs Quadrangle Capital and the man responsible for managing Michael Bloomberg's vast fortune. Last week the firm announced plans to shut down a $500 million hedge fund focused on media investments after the value of the fund declined and investors started demanding their money back. Now comes word that Quadrangle's magazine holdings are in trouble. In 2007, Quadrangle paid $250 million for Alpha Media, the company that publishes Maxim and Blender, and lured Jann Wenner's former right-hand, Kent Brownridge, to run the company. Brownridge departed Alpha in August amid rumors the publishing company was in trouble. Today the Journal reports that the company really is in deep trouble, having fallen behind on its debt payments to Steve Feinberg's Cerberus Capital. Rattner may ultimately be forced to hand over Alpha to the company's creditors. But that's not the only disappointing news that has landed at Rattner's feet in recent weeks.

As Thanksgiving approaches, take a minute to ponder this: some expansion is inevitable. But it isn't just your waistline that is growing. 10 years ago scientists discovered a dark energy that is pushing the universe outwards at increasing speeds. Tonight, get to the meat of one of the biggest physics quandaries of the 21st century with Dr. Eric Linder of Berkeley Labs. Starting at 5:30 p.m., Linder will discuss how dark energy has been linked to supernovas and dinosaur extinction at the Berkeley Repertory Theater. More interested in the dark forces cramping your networking skills? The Executive Sandbox will be discussing the essential communication skills to help you build rapport with clients and bosses at Patima Organic Coffee from 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. (Photo by Erin O'Connor)

For a while we were worried that James Franco's epic prosthetic schlong story might be the most insidery background we'd hear about his more intimate moments shooting Milk, but David Letterman finally coaxed the definitive "kissing Sean Penn" tale during the actor's Late Show appearance last Friday. It's packed with all the sheepish eye-rolling and chuckling embarrassment that has been Franco's public stock in trade since he was cast as Harvey Milk's lover Scott Smith, but don't let the modesty fool you: Franco is ready to kiss any man, any time, anywhere — even David Letterman. And to his credit, the host is game. It's not quite the post-Prop 8 statement of solidarity we might have hoped for, but it's a breakthrough of some kind, we think. [The Late Show]

How's the Minnesota Senate Recount going? 538 says "Projection: Franken to Win Recount by 27 Votes." Really, guys? 27 votes? Nate Silver is overplaying his hand. Though if this turns out to be correct, he will be Appointed God of Numbers and we will be obligated to worship him as our new Reptilian Overlord. [538]

We rolled our eyes when Georgina Bloomberg, the 25-year-old daughter of the billionaire mayor of New York, complained in her Page Six Mag profile about how hard it was to be his daughter. Until we saw the family photos they put online! The man apparently never smiles. Georgina actually sounds like she's got her head on straight, considering her upbringing. She got Ds at Spence and told Page Six that when her Dad was "just a businessman, he was pretty egotistical. People were telling him how great he was every day." Do you have any ideas what belongs in the thought bubble here? [Thanks, commenter BrookeLolzord!] Wtf was he thinking?

Last week the New York Times Co. slashed its dividend and announced poor earnings and saw its stock plunge to lows not seen in decades. Times journalists must be afraid for their financial futures. Well the company has a suggestion: how about buying some New York Times Co. stock? Cheap! The company just sent out an unfortunately-timed internal memo offering employees the chance to buy stock at a discount. Don't forget that you should consider "your future financial objectives" first. Do you want to lose money in the future? Buy now! Read the whole hot stock offer below:

Not to get all TechCrunch on you, but here's proof that you can still get $4 million in funding for a startup. Palo Alto based Zuberance just scored its Series A from Emergence Capital Partners. The pitch is simple. Zuberance offers a hosted customer-community site, for companies that sell consumer products and services. The companies pay Zuberance a subscription fee, rather than trying to buy or build their own. What struck me: "Zuberance automatically publishes advocate content like product reviews and testimonials to popular websites like Amazon.com, C-Net, TripAdvisor, YouTube, Facebook ..." At what point did unpaid product reviewer become the hottest new writing gig?

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: 11/23 — Okay, so once again, toiling in post-production hell tonight, I go out to get the poor editor some grub at California Canteen on Cahuenga West, and as I’m leaving I see MICHAEL SHEEN, back in Underworld fighting trim, Lycan facial hair, sitting alone at a table near the door, texting away. And I’m about to just bask in his amazing Welsh actorial glow but I am so high from exhaustion I actually turn around and go up to him and say “Mr. Sheen, I never do this, but I saw you in Frost/Nixon in London and you were brilliant.” And I stick out my hand and, in spite of my Sideshow Bob hair and edit bay pallor, he shakes it and smiles and thanks me, and I wish him luck with the film and split. Very. Soft. Hands. And NOBODY at the lab knows who I’m talking about when I tell them. Heathens. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

The aptly named "Our Country Deserves Better PAC" has basically ruined Thanksgiving. They bought airtime, nationally, for some ads they produced about Sarah Palin. Why? Why did they do this? Don't they know it's November and we're all done with her forever? They just don't care. They hate America. "Palin inspires such passion among Americans," the PAC's chief strategist explains, "because she speaks to them in a straightforward and sincere way without the parsed statements and duplicity of typical Washington insider and bureaucrats." She speaks without those "parsed statements" because it is usually impossible to parse her statements. Watch the inexplicable ad thanking that terrible woman after the jump!

Former Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin is basically one of the most respected men in the entire Democratic Party. The Citigroup "Senior Counselor" (he joined Citigroup as temporary chair after legislation he shepherded through congress allowed Citigroup's creation, natch) has close ties to just about every other Democratic economic policy guru with influence, and he's especially close to just about all of President-elect Barack Obama's proposed economy-fixing team. Of course, until about a year ago, there'd never been a bad word written about Rubin in the press, but the guy should probably be exiled to an island somewhere and forced to think about what he's done to our fine nation. What did Rubin do in the Clinton White House? He and Alan Greenspan joined forces to swing the Democratic Party's economic policies so far to the right that the terms of the debate never recovered. Now, economic leftism is Eisenhower Republicanism and the right-wing's economic policy is basically to hand over as much Treasury money and tax cuts as possible to the wealthy and occasionally force some underfunded mandates through congress because why not? Rubin encouraged Clinton to pass NAFTA before tackling health care, to this day he shudders at the idea of demanding worker protection before passing more free trade pacts, and then, for his final act before returning to the private sector, he resisted calls for the regulation of derivatives and strongly encouraged the repeal the Glass-Stengall act, thus leading directly to our current economic crisis. Of course he is still the Democratic party's most respected and powerful economic thinker. Then he left to join Citigroup, and we all know how well that went. So Barack Obama's economic policy team is probably made up of long-time free-market critics like James K. Galbraith and Joseph Stiglitz, right? Hah.

Pirates! Pirates! Dangerous Somali Pirates! These poverty-stricken outlaws are now global idols who wallow in media attention when they're not busy pushing the world commodity markets up and down with only some rusty AK-47s and leaky speedboats. Their PR man is surely fielding job offers left and right. Boosaaso is the new adventure reporting destination du jour! The pirates currently holding a huge oil tanker may be reducing their ransom demands. You fools, that would make the situation less dramatic. The WSJ has a solution to keep the pirates top-of-mind: a big naval war! Georgetown professor Michael Oren thinks it would be totally awesome if the US Navy started totally smashing pirate ships with those huge guns. The ones that turn around on turrets and shit? Yea, those. Turn those bad boys loose! History demands it:

It was the weekend that moviegoers gave blood whether they wanted to or not; take a moment, relax and recover with us as we comb through the Monday Morning Box Office: 1. Twilight - $70.6 million Multiplex chains were forced to summon crisis counselors after Twilight's $33 million opening day, the screeching tween torment of which rang in shellshocked staffers' ears even as grosses slowed into the weekend. Meanwhile at Summit Entertainment — the indie that bankrolled the the teen-vampire-romance phenomenon — execs are assembling one of the nicest fruit baskets ever to send to Warner Bros., whose bumping of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from Nov. 21 to next summer gave Twilight a green light to plunder at will.2. Quantum of Solace - $27.4 million The 007 thriller plunged 60% from its record-breaking opening a week ago, once again triggering Broody Bond's thirst for revenge that will be explored in the series' stake-wielding 2011 installment, Message For Twilight. 3. Bolt - $27 million Disney's 3-D canine pseudohero took a massive dump on its owner's carpet over the weekend, underperforming by at least $10 million below expectations. After a stern talking to, the pooch is expected to behave a little better for the studio's Thankgsiving guests; another mess like this and it's straight to the shelter. 4. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - $16 million On the other hand, runaway zoo animals never require discipline from their masters at DreamWorks Animation, though Madagascar's own 54% drop was unusual for a famliy film, even one featuring the giraffe-voicing talents of David Schwimmer. 5. Role Models - $7.2 million David Wain's bid for mainstream success has apparently been accepted by, well, the mainstream, with his R-rated mentoring comedy grossing $48 million to date. Congratulations, David!

♦ Alan Colmes, the "liberal" who supposedly serves as co-host of Hannity & Colmes with Sean Hannity, is leaving the Fox News program at the end of the year. [HuffPo]
♦ A daily news program hosted by Christiane Amanpour is in the works at CNN. [NYT]
♦ Despite screwing up nearly everything he touches, NBC golden boy Ben Silverman may see his contract renewed in the next few weeks. [NYM]
♦ USA Today has announced plans to cut staff. [E&P]
♦ Twilight was No. 1 at the box office this weekend, raking in $70.5 mil. [LAT]
♦ Forbes is not being sold to a shady Russian billionaire. [SAI]

Twitter CEO Evan Williams always seems to be where the action is. He sold his blogging company to Google in 2003. He chased the short-lived podcasting craze with another startup. That company accidentally spawned Twitter, the microblogging service that's stolen the buzz from bloggers. It seems sensible that Williams would sell Twitter to Facebook, another social networking site that actually makes money. So why did he and his board turn down a $500 million offer from Facebook?Kara Swisher has typed up everything she knows on the deal. The short version: Facebook offered stock, Twitter wanted cash. Facebook wanted to use last year's ridiculous $15 billion valuation for its shares. The End. Williams always seems to know what's hot and what's not. Right now, his board is supporting his instincts: Build out Twitter's service before trying to make money from it, just as Google did for a few years. When the economy comes back, Twitter will be even bigger, and the offers even better — maybe even from Facebook.

[Teen juggernaut Miley Cyrus, daughter borne of an achy breaky heart, at the 17th annual Who Cares! Music Awards last night; image via Bauer-Griffin] es-ki-mo's new line beats the original, "The 'Gold Mine' Themed Dress Was My Daddy's Idea."