There are so many ad messages out there that in order to break through and stick in your mind, sometimes companies have to use a little old tactic that experts like to call "Reverse Psychology." It's an advanced technique, and you might not know it when you see it—but you'll be able to tell when you find that you've unwittingly played right into the marketer's hands! That's why you should be very careful to watch out for some sneakiness in this ad for a new religious TV network. There's Satan, urging you not to watch the new channel. Is he giving an accurate assessment, or is there some underlying message here that's not being said? See if you can pick up on the psychological subtleties of these clever, Jesus-based media masterminds:

Presidential Theater: Earlier this week, world's laziest presidential candidate Fred Thompson awoke from his midday nap (11am to 5pm) to start plotting out his next move. "Get me that job back as that mentor guy with five lines on Law & Order," he drawled to his agent. "What? Sam Waterston is doing that now? Too young! What about SVU? Maybe I could romance Mariska Harg..." He then fell back asleep, conserving his energy as the agent patiently pre-cut Thompson's dinner steak while booking him his first role since the presidential campaign: NYPD's chief of detectives on Life on Mars. Haha, remember when everyone was scared of this dude? [EW]

Terrible lovebirds Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are capable of making no move without a cannery-level of fishiness (and paparazzi present, of course), and so it is with their Mexico wedding, which has since been revealed as the legally unbinding publicity stunt that, rather than being beneath the couple, represents the absolute apex of their combined powers. Still, Heidi's mother Darlene is not having it, and she's come out swinging in Us with some wild allegations about Spencer's Svengali-like hold on her daughter. But is it all part of the plan? Let's find out:

♦ David Chang's Momofuku Ssäm has earned itself an upgrade. Frank Bruni gave it three stars in today's Times, saying the food there makes him feel "unencumbered, honest and joyful." [NYT]
♦ The most despised restaurant of 2008? That would be Delicatessen. [NYO]
♦ Justin Bogle is replacing Christopher Lee as executive chef at Gilt. [GS]
♦ Macao Trading Co. is planning to add a lounge and downstairs bar. [Eater]
♦ The Ciprianis are pushing for landmark status for the Rainbow Room. [NYO]
♦ Pink Elephant co-founder Shawn Kolodny is departing the club. [DBTH]
♦ If you pick up dinner at one of the outposts of Saigon Grill and it looks emptier than usual, there's a good reason for that: The owner and his wife were arrested today for falsifying records and tampering with evidence. [NYP]

At a Cedars-Sinai benefit last night at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza, the animated woodland creatures that typically accompany David Archuleta wherever he goes were shooed away by idol-feeding succubus Priscilla Presley, who quickly drained the rosy tint from his cheeks. Hours later, he arose from a shallow dirt grave to take on his new, immortal form—as ELVISULA, Hip-Gyrating Prince of Darkness. [NY Post]

The CEOs of Detroit's Big 3 got in a spot of trouble for taking their private jets to DC to beg for bailout money. So now, this time, they're carpooling! What a stupid publicity stunt to overcompensate for their stupid PR gaffe. The union leaders are flying commercial, because they care not what you think of them. (The price difference between flying coach and driving your FORD ESCAPE HYBRID 500 miles is like $100 a head, but they are probably flying business class on the backs of the worker.) [Jalopnik]

Scientists have found a 2,700-year-old, two-pound stash of weed in a grave in China. Dude. [MSNBC]

Silver Mine: Buoyed by the sterling performance of Speed Racer and other films from its multi-faceted partnership with Joel Silver, officials at Studio Babelsburg have announced a deal to co-produce a slate of Silver's upcoming projects released through Warner Bros. The pact sets up another five years of subsidized shoots at the German studio, complementing their co-financing deal for Silver's genre output from his Dark Castle shingle and assuring the producer a clean, spacious cubicle from which to work when Warners throws him off the lot at the end of 2009. [THR]

We like to watch people trying to be famous. And we're so desperate for a shred of authenticity that we'll watch just about anyone doing anything, as long as it's live and on the Internet. Hence the lifecasting phenomenon.

Sometimes the mere existence of a rumor is as interesting as the rumor itself, and the recent surge of people breathlessly telling us that Wendi Deng Murdoch is cuckolding News Corp. Rupert Murdoch certainly falls into that category. In the last couple weeks, three separate people have come forward to tell us Deng is having an affair with Chris DeWolfe, a MySpace founder who now works for Rupert after News Corp. purchased the social network three years ago for $580 million. It's pretty clear there is a campaign underway to get this story out. And whoever it is has finally found an outlet to bite. There's certainly no shortage of people who might have an ax to grind against Murdoch, Deng or even DeWolfe. If you have any idea who's behind it, please email me.

Things just get better and better for fashion designer Derek Lam. In July, Lam sold a majority stake in his label right before the market collapsed, he's now at work on his first freestanding store in SoHo, and he continues to earn praise as creative director of Tod's. Plus, he just got back to town after a blissful Thanksgiving weekend spent on the beach in Turks and Caicos, which means he's well-rested. And now he has a new weekend home, too. Lam and his longtime partner, Jan-Hendrik Schlottman, have paid $2.15 million for a three-bedroom, oceanfront home—with pool and hot tub, of course—on Ocean Walk in the Fire Island Pines.

You know what's important these days? Appearances. Reality is something you're stuck with: you're ugly, out of shape, and none too charismatic. But appearances—now there's something you can do something about! That's why selecting the right online avatar to represent yourself on Facebook is now the single most important choice that you will make in your life, according to some people willing to be quoted spouting bullshit theories about any old thing:

It was just last December when knocked-up teen Jamie Lynn Spears attended a showing of knocked-up teen comedy Juno, and oh, how we all larfed! The parallels, they were strong! The imagined glances between Jamie Lynn and mom Lynne, so awkward! Now, though, Star is revealing an extra wrinkle that might have made that Juno viewing even more unbearable: you see, much like our homeskillet Juno MacGuff, Jamie Lynn originally thought she was carrying a "food baby." Sadly, by the time she figured out it was a "baby baby," she had already done something she probably shouldn't have:

· Johnny Depp has bought the film rights to novel In the Hand of Dante, in which he'll play a Dante expert charged with authenticating what might be the original Divine Comedy manuscript. Hopefully along the way he breaks a couple of codes and finds out the Virgin Mary was the town slut or something—otherwise, SNOOZERS. [Variety]
· SAG was struck a mighty blow from within their own ranks when its former VP Mike Farrell lambasted current leadership for its negotiation tactics. Go Klinger! It's about time someone took a man in a dress seriously. What's that? He didn't play Klinger? Never mind. [Variety]
· The End of Ideas: Hey, Does Anyone Remember Captain Blood with Errol Flynn? No? Great—Let's Remake It! Edition. [Variety]

Harvey Weinstein is the co-founder of the Weinstein Company, the struggling studio that has produced very few hits over the past year, has seen a handful of senior of execs flee for the exits in recent weeks, and has been immersed in a nasty legal spat with NBC over the fate of his one big hit, Project Runway, over the past few months. (Further evidence of his financial woes: He owes Cindy Adams $10,000 and has refused to pay up.) Lev Leviev might be a less familiar name to you. He's the Ubekistan-born, Orthodox Jewish diamond and real estate billionaire who lives in Israel and controls the Africa-Israel Group, which dominates the diamond mining industry in Angola and owns a good deal of real estate, too, including the former headquarters of the New York Times.

Washington DC is already the most fun place in the world, what with its many free museums, intoxicated douchebags in popped collars, and Sassiest Boy in America Ian Svenonius. But for one magic week, next month, when the city is choked with hundreds of thousands more tourists than usual, you will be able to drink all night long. The DC City Council approved a 5 a.m. bar close!

[Film director Guy Ritchie, former husband of Madonna, in foggy London towne yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Despite its principals' best efforts, the Ricky Gervais Oscar-hosting whispers simply will. Not. Die. But Gervais, who has downplayed the possibility since his Emmy-saving bit in September involuntarily sprung him into candidacy, has his foot squarely on the rumor's throat today with his strongest denial yet. And we paraphrase: Who wants that bullshit job, anyway?

We can all agree that East African pirates are the new role models in a world with few economic options. But even though they have their own PR man, their wanton buccaneering is starting to give them image problems in some quarters. The media loves them, but world governments would like to blow them out of the water. Don't underestimate that old pirate savvy, though. They're going populist!

Today, Barack Obama had his, what, fifteenth press conference in two weeks or something, to introduce America to his Secretary of Commerce, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. The assembled press had a very important question for the president-elect and his appointee: what happened to Bill Richardson's awesome primaries beard? Obama acknowledged his frustration with Richardson's decision to shave: "We're deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard," he said. Is this why Richardson didn't get the State job? Sure, the beard and also the fact that he's kind of a buffoon.