[Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth from "The Hills" taking a late cab ride home after a long night of clurrrrbin'; image via INF]

As we noticed yesterday, certain quarters of the media seem to be under the impression that if, like a child covering his ears and shouting "lalalalala," they pretend that the scene down at the Miami Art Basel is as glitzy and cash-soaked as ever, people will believe it. "Recession schmession," crows Blackbook. "From the rumor that UBS would not tone down their annual dinner and gala—even amid scandal speculation—to the abundance of caviar on hors d'ouvre [sic] trays, it all smells like decadence to me." Well, it might smell like it, but to the dealers and artists actually trying to make money, "it's all about markdowns and modest expectations," reports New York's Alexandra Peers in a dispatch entitled "Kmart Special Time at Art Basel Miami."

Nick Kristof, the Times' most earnestly boring columnist, has started a Twitter feed. Finally. Here's the single most interesting thing he's said so far: "Here's my fave word of the week: 'leporine.' Apparently it means rabbit-like. Great word, no? I'll try sneaking it into a column. —ndk." Nick, you sly devil! I feel like I am literally standing on the set of All The President's Men.

Last night's 30 Rock seemed a bit familiar, didn't it? It felt like something we'd read was just being basically reiterated to us, with a lot more jokes. The episode took place mostly at Liz's 20 year high school reunion, and we came to see that she was an acidic loner at her suburban Philadelphia school, with extra weight and big silly eyebrows. Where have we heard this tale before? Oh! Yes! Of course! In the cover story on creator/star Tina Fey for this month's Vanity Fair! Snide. But, y'know, funny.

IAC boss Barry Diller could not give a fluff about this "recession" you speak of! While pessimists like our own boss here are laying people off in anticipation of economic doom for media companies in the coming year, Diller is prescribing just the opposite strategy. Yesterday he slammed profitable companies for making layoffs and throwing workers out into an unforgiving environment, and said now is a great time to buy companies. He also railed against "indiscriminate spending." So does Diller measure up to his own expectations? Ehhh...

Finding someone willing to rent the spooky loft where Heath Ledger overdosed hasn't been an easy job. Ten months after brokers first began quietly shopping Ledger's former apartment at 419-421 Broome Street—and five months after the official, $26,000-a-month listing was posted—brokers at the Corcoran Group have pulled it off the market. Photos of the three-bedroom loft are here. [Page Six, previously]

Remember the last month of the campaign, when Barack Obama and David Plouffe would not stop emailing you begging for money? Oh, we need all the money in the world to beat these evil Republicans, they whined. It's all up to you! Send us a dollar or you won't get to abort your baby who'll be drafted to fight in Iraq for 100 years! Well it turns out they were running against an erratic old nut and his slow friend from church, and so even after they wasted a zillion extra dollars in the last three days of campaigning, the Obama campaign still ended up with $30 million left in the bank. $30 million!

Getting rid of your fancy jets is the trend du jour in corporate America, haven't you heard? Well, here's one more company you can add to the list of Fortune 100 companies cutting back on the lavish perks afforded to senior executives: Bristol-Myers Squibb has put two helicopters and a Gulfstream jet on the market. Best of all? They match! (The color scheme is "Matterhorn white with Las Vegas gold and Flight blue accent stripes," in case you're curious.) It's comforting to hear that Bristol-Myers' CEO has never had to worry about parking the jet next to the helicopters and having them clash, and if you're in the market for a new fleet of aircraft, picking up a matching set will save you on a costly paint job. And it might just be the ideal option if you happen to be a Notre Dame fan.

Yesterday's 500 layoffs at NBC Universal would have been a bigger story if not for the 850 layoffs at Viacom on the same day. CNBC—which is currently the go-to media outlet for the economic story of a generation—may have talked its way out of trouble (a bit). The Post says CNBC had 55 layouts yesterday, rather than the 80 that were predicted. And they've wisely shut down their most superfluous show:

Changes are afoot at IAC, the media giant operated by Barry Diller. AdAge reports that Diller plans to scale back the company's collection of online content properties and possibly sell off or shut down underperforming sites like 236.com. The man Diller tapped to head up online programming, Michael Jackson, is expected to stay at IAC. And the changes, you'll be happy to hear, should have no impact on Tina Brown's extravagant new site, The Daily Beast. [AdAge]

We're all used to having a phone provide every conceivable service, so naturally we've been wondering when it would start warning us we were about to get sick, too. The day has arrived! Well, kind of: A new program from cold-cure makers Zicam, currently on the T-Mobile G1 and coming to the iPhone, announces what percentage of people in any zip code have respiratory illnesses, and the symptoms they're suffering from. So on those days when you just sense it's a bad idea to leave the house and mix with other humans, your phone will not just be your companion, but your trusty enabler.

Yesterday you friends guessed that the celebrity who went from smoking cigarettes to smoking drugs was, gasp!, terrorist-elect Barack Obama. And the parking ticket obsessed guy? Jerry Seinfeld. Interesting indeed. Today we have an actor with an embarrassing man-boob problem, a druggie singer who might get kicked out of her group, and a rising star whose parents just don't understand.

♦ Eve Weinstein, the ex-wife of Harvey Weinstein, has put her sixth-floor spread at 1133 Fifth Avenue on the market for $13.5 million. She bought the four-bedroom apartment with private elevator and Central Park views for $10.4 million two years ago. [Cityfile, Sotheby's]
♦ Eileen Ford, the founder of Ford Models and mother of Katie Ford, has slashed the price of her Tewksbury, NJ mansion by nearly 20 percent. It's now on the market for $6.5 million. [WSJ]
♦ Actors Garret Dillahunt and Michelle Hurd (best known as Laurel from Gossip Girl) paid $1.35 million for a one-bedroom apartment in Battery Park City's Riverhouse building. [BTL]
♦ Calvin Klein co-founder Barry Schwartz has put a three-acre plot in Miami on the market for $23.9 million, $9.4 million more than he originally paid for the Biscayne Bay property in 2005. [WSJ]

Which of Gossip Girl's little crew of over-made-up drama queens would you like to see on their very own show? Apparently the CW is planning to make a spin-off of the series next season, but no word yet on how it will happen. Our wild guess: Nate at Yale! Given that the producers must be grappling with how to continue the plot beyond everyone's graduation from Constance Billiard, and that Nate is no actual use to storylines now he's been of sexual service to all the female characters except Lily (and there's still time for that), it makes perfect sense. So long as it's not Jenny the Fashion Designer, we don't mind. [Reuters]

Why does Diane von Furstenberg totally adore Madonna? "Because she isn't just about building buzz, she's about building relationships." [DVF.com]

It's Amanda Lepore's birthday today! At least we think it's her birthday and we think she's 41, but she's been known to fool people before. Others celebrating today: Margaret Cho is 40. The New Yorker's Calvin Trillin is 73. Novelist Joan Didion is turning 74. Little Richard is 76. Knicks center Eddy Curry is 26. Child star Frankie Muniz turns 23. Actor Nick Stahl is turning 29. And model Shalom Harlow is 35. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• Alex Rodriguez said he isn't shagging Madonna. Sure. He's just hanging in Miami, Mexico City and Brazil with her, platonically, and maybe buying an apartment with her, platonically, and meeting secretly with her in restaurants, as friends. He also denied riding on a private jet with Madonna, so I guess this is supposed to be someone else who was photographed with her?

"I have no intention of leaving American Vogue now or in the foreseeable future." [Post]

[Update: The purported Pattinson pen-pal, Ben Coles, called us to deny that he was speaking with the Twilight star. Read more from Coles here.] Swirling around the release of Twilight, the terrible but terribly successful vampire romance movie, were rumors of a hookup between stars Kristen Stewart and heartthrob Robert Pattinson. This sounded like so much publicity fodder for the film's teenage target demos. This might be more of the same: A tipster forwarded the following screenshots, purportedly of a Pattinson Facebook account under the alias of Randle Patrick McMurphy (Jack Nicholson's character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

♦ People got Alex Rodriguez to open up about his relationship with Madonna. Or, you know, maybe not. The slugger claims that they're just "friends—that's it." He also says he's never been on a plane with her, despite the countless photos that clearly indicate otherwise. [People]
♦ Have Tea Leoni and David Duchovny reunited? Star reports they were spotted holding hands at a Tasti D-Lite on the Upper East Side and they've picked up a $7.5 million apartment in the East 70s. [Star]
♦ It looks like Harvey Weinstein and Scott Rudin may have buried the hatchet after Harvey publicly thanked Scott at the premiere of The Reader on Wednesday night. [P6]
♦ A London jury has found Boy George guilty of false imprisonment for having handcuffed a Norwegian male escort to a wall. [People]