Is the bad economy a turn-on, or a turn-off? With a fake recession trend story, either can be true! Just study this easy guide to manufacturing trends in these tough times. Everybody's doing it:

Hello, my name is Joshua David Stein. Please, open your hymnals to Matthew 26:17 wherein is discussed Bravo's reality television show Top Chef.

Kate Winslet walking her daughter Mia to school ... Veronica Webb hailing a cab on Bleecker Street ... Terry Richardson sitting outside a Starbucks in Soho ... Ed Harris arriving at JFK ... Gretchen Mol pushing her son in a stroller in the West Village ... Shia Labeouf walking by himself downtown ... Naomi Watts leaving her apartment in Noho ... Jessica Simpson arriving at LaGuardia ... Lucy Liu walking her dog ... Isla Fisher shopping with her daughter Olive at FAO Schwarz ... Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy walking in Soho ... and Lily Allen leaving the Waverly Inn.

His disastrous Letterman interview brought Joaquin Phoenix's whole quitting-acting-to-become-a-bearded-rapper shtick to a dizzying climax last night. Dave played it off as legit. Others think it's all an Andy Kaufman-esque hoax. We think it's both!

While you may be feeling sorry for yourself now that you've been laid off from your job and you're spending afternoons watching reality TV reruns on your couch, at least your couch isn't located in Dubai. The Times reports today on just how bad the situation has become in the former construction capital of the world. At this time last year Americans were jumping on jets to move to the boomtown, attracted by cushy jobs, fancy digs (and perhaps tasty Middle Eastern cuisine). Now? Not so much.

[Gwyneth Paltrow at the New York premiere of her film "Joaquin's Last Stand"; image via Splash]

Did you know that African-Americans made many contributions to the grocery industry? Such as collard greens, pork hocks, and bologna. All celebrated on this grocery store's Black History month flier. African-Americans love that pork!

The answering machine at the home of "Countess" LuAnn de Lesseps of Real Houswives fame.

Today we have sad old actors and check bouncers. And also everyone is on cocaine. Absolutely everyone everywhere. Well done, everybody.

Those eight arrests that a heroic South Carolina Sheriff's department pulled off in connection with the Michael Phelps bong photo? They netted less than an ounce of marijuana. Streets: safe. [ABC. Pic: Star]

Did Confessions of a Shopaholic author Sophie Kinsella slip something into David Colman's spritzer when they lunched at Bergdorf's, or was he simply so blissed-out by a visit to his favorite place in the world that he decided to redefine the term "puff piece" when writing up the interview for the Times? The movie, which opens tomorrow and stars Isla Fisher and a parade of Patricia Field outfits, is not poorly timed at all, nor a glorification of shopping, we learn, but functions as "a comical allegory for the last 15 years."

• Looking for a summer rental in the Hamptons? New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine's estate in Sagaponack is available! You can occupy the 6,200-square-foot home from Memorial Day to Labor Day for $900,000. [Newsday, Sotheby's]
• Fashion designer (and former Marc Jacobs protege) Richard Chai paid $2 million for a 2,300-square-foot apartment at 25 Ann Street. [Cityfile]
• Indie actor Kevin Corrigan (Walking and Talking, True Romance) and his wife Elizabeth Berridge (Amadeus) have sold their fourth-floor apartment at 321 Greenwich Street for $2.39 million. [Cityfile]

Madonna wishes Alex Rodriguez was crying on her shoulder. Meanwhile, a Los Angeles woman is offering her support to hundreds of thousands of traumatized Miley Cyrus victims.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Feb. 11 @ 7pm JTT goes to school here and is in a class with a friend of mine. Very very short! But still cute.

Pat Field turns 67 today. Director Darren Aronofsky is turning 40. Christina Ricci is 29. Josh Brolin is 41. Senator Arlen Specter is 79. Chef Andrew Carmellini is turning 38. Nutritionist Oz Garcia is 58. Ed Lover turns 46. Literary agent Nicole Aragi is 47. Writer Judy Blume is turning 71. Fonzworth Bentley is 35. Chynna Phillips is 41. And Arsenio Hall is celebrating his 54th birthday today.

Those who find Twitter a vehicle for narcissistic distraction can take smug satisfaction in the New York Times' account of the chaos at last night's Twitter awards.

• After their CEOs took a pounding yesterday, it's possible that banks like JP Morgan and Morgan Stanley would just as soon give the bailout money back rather than have to battle legislators at every turn. [BN]
• More on yesterday's Wall Street-Washington showdown. [WSJ]
• Nearly 700 people made $1 million or more at Merrill in 2008. [DB, WSJ]
• Stocks have been falling over concern about rising unemployment numbers and fear that the stimulus plan just won't be enough to right the ship. [BN]
• Tim Geithner is responding to critics over his revised bailout plan. [NYT]
• Yet another large investment firm is now under investigation. [BN]
• A Morgan Stanley exec in China is under investigation by the SEC. [DB]
• In slightly better news, retail sales are up slightly. [BN]

• Madonna is supposedly furious with Alex Rodriguez for returning to his ex-wife Cynthia after the steroid scandal broke a few days ago; we're guessing she won't be too happy with the pics of A-Rod partying with a group of girls in the Bahamas the weekend before, either. [NYDN, NYP]
• Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged. [People, P6]
• Cops will reinterview Rihanna and Chris Brown in the coming days. [NYDN]
• Mort Zuckerman had a nice, long, expensive lunch at the Four Seasons right after slashing benefits at the Daily News. [P6]
• Prince Harry has been ordered to undergo "sensitivity training." [People]

Controversial octuplet mom Nadya Suleman was said seeking $2 million for media access and sponsorships. Oprah Winfrey and Diane Sawyer were reportedly interested. So how did NBC News land her debut interview?

So Ryan Adams is now engaged to Mandy Moore. Not that you'd know it from his website; we had to read Us Weekly's report. Discretion: yet another way Moore has reformed her man.