Did you know: it's sexist to use sports metaphors, because, as we all know, girls don't understand sports. It's true, according to a girl!

Everybody (especially us!) loves chastising the rich for all their, you know, spending of money. Well the joke's on us, because rich people buying shit is the only hope for our economy. Spend, fuckers!

One of the most popular items at the American International Toy Fair, which is now taking place at the Jacob Javits Convention Center? The "Smash-Me Bernie" doll, which is designed to resemble Bernie Madoff in a red devil suit with a pitchfork. "It comes with a 'limited edition' hammer, for the purpose of pulverizing Mr. Madoff in effigy." And for victims of Madoff, the $99.95 toy is still a bit less expensive than an hour of psychotherapy. [Dealbook, NYDN]

[I really did have a dream, again, about zombies. But these aren't zombies! It's the cast of "The Hills" filming on the beach in Hawaii; image via Splash]

So heralds, sort of, a Los Angeles Times article this morning. Sparked, perhaps, by Sunday night's premiere of the always-multiculti Amazing Race, the paper highlights the varied casting of unscripted television, from gays to Tongans.

As part of the crafty strategy to turn Confessions of a Shopaholic into a public service announcement about the evils of consumerism, rather than a shiny orgy of labels that had the bad luck to come out during the worst recession in decades, Sophie Kinsella, author of the novels on which the movie is based, wants to teach us how to resist our urge to spend. Her fount of wisdom, which obviously springs from a heartfelt concern for women's financial well-being rather than from a contractual obligation to Touchstone Pictures, is full of gems.

The Polk Awards, honoring those quirky characters who still practice "journalism," were announced today, and you can see all the worthy winners here. In a gross oversight, however, Arthur was inexplicably shut out. [E&P]

Your sinking stock portfolio might not be the only thing keeping you up at night. Bedbug complaints in the city jumped 34 percent last year, according to New York vs. Bed Bugs, a bedbug advocacy group (yes, there is such a thing), which identified Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Midtown as the three biggest "hot spots." Sweet dreams! [NYDN]

A recap of the shows, parties, and gossip you've missed at Fashion Week thus far after the jump.

What's one of the only consumer products with steadily rising sales in the midst of this financiapocalypse? "Clinical" strength deodorant! Because Americans are growing nervouser and nervouser. Also we're all suckers!

Today we have a comedian who's into the butt stuff, an It Girl who's purging in restaurant bathrooms, and a quirky actress who is secretly dealing with a drug problem.

Hamptons architecture buffs, take note: Now would be a good time to get a last look at Dragon's Head, the gaudy 50,000-square-foot castle in Southampton that Calvin Klein purchased several years ago. It's just a few months away from demolition now that Southampton's Village Board of Historic Preservation and Architectural Review has removed the last bit of red tape and ruled its interiors have no historical value. What can you expect to find on the property a couple of years from now? A much more low-key and minimalist manse, of course, not to mention the lilting sounds of youthful Brazilian men speaking Portuguese. [Newsday]

It's not all bad news this morning. As expected, Donald Trump's casino company filed for bankruptcy protection for a third time today. Whether it forces Trump to turn the volume down on his bluster remains to be seen, of course, but it should make the next season of The Apprentice, which premieres in two weeks, delightfully ironic. [Reuters]

Lindsay Lohan isn't aware how blood-sugar deprived she sounds when talking about her normal diet, and Alex Rodriguez doesn't realize how desperate he looks when with three ladies on his arm.

Click through for more pics of some of the famous faces at the Fashion Week shows yesterday.

Paris Hilton turns 28 today. Basketball legend Michael Jordan turns 46. Rene Russo is 55. Denise Richards is turning 38. Director Michael Bay is 44. Jerry O'Connell is celebrating his 35th. Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong is 37. Record exec Jason Flom is turning 48. Literary agent Susan Golomb is 49. And Daniel Lawrence Whitney, better known as "Larry the Cable Guy," is 46.

• Stocks are down sharply today over concern about the deepening recession. The stimulus package last week? So much for it restoring confidence. [BN, WSJ]
• Need more proof of mismanagement at Citigroup? Chuck Prince was ousted as CEO 15 months ago but he still has an office and secretary at the company. So does John Reed, Citi's former CEO who left nearly nine years ago. [BN]
• The stimulus package that cleared Congress Friday includes hefty new restrictions on bonuses and perks at Wall Street firms. [WSJ]
• GM will file the largest restructuring plan of its 100-year history today. [DB]
• Hedge funds may lose as much as 35% of their assets this quarter. [Reuters]
• Citi is having a hard time finding anyone to buy their junky assets. [NYP]
• Banco Santander, Europe's second largest bank, is offering a generous compensation deal for clients who lost money to Bernie Madoff. [WSJ]

Paris Hilton set the celebrity tone for Fashion Week events Monday: C-Listy (still!) and trying to blend in. Except for non-Cl-isty Justin Timberlake, who walked the runway.

• It isn't easy being a disposable reality TV star. At the Jill Stuart show on Monday, a publicist barked "Show your fucking ring!" to Bethenny Frankel as The Real Housewives of New York star was getting her photo taken. She's probably used to the abuse, though. Frankel later told a reporter that she used to babysit Paris and Nicky Hilton when they were kids. [AMNY, NYO]
• Lindsay Lohan says her dramatic weight loss is simply the result on "working a lot." Of course it is. [Us]
• Monogamy is so old-fashioned: Alex Rodriguez spent Valentine's Day weekend romancing five different women, while Calvin Klein was spotted in Miami with "two model-type guys." [P6]
• Walter and Monica Noel are laying low at their home in Mustique, although they skipped the private jet and flew commercial to get there. [P6]

Rachel Dodes, the Wall Street Journal reporter who Anna Wintour seemed to diss in a weekend interview, said she wasn't offended to be told "we had a little sequined thing that wouldn't come down to here on you [points to chest.]"