It's been two years since silver-maned MPAA drum-beater Jack Valenti passed to the great ratings board in the sky, where he's been gleefully defending the afterlife's classification system. (Heaven: PG-13 for strong language, partial angel-nudity.)

Attention, unemployed young media people: according to what we fear may be a real Craigslist job posting, you may be able to make up to $10 working for a publishing company! If you're not "bitchy."

• CBS reports that profits plunged 52 percent last quarter. [Variety]
• The editor of the Post is defending the chimp cartoon in yesterday's paper; meanwhile, Al Sharpton led a protest outside News Corp. today. [E&P, WCBS]
• Despite the horrible reviews, the second-season premiere of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City on Tuesday set a high for the series. [THR]
• Chris Mitchell has been named the publisher of Conde Nast Traveler. [MW]
• Conan O'Brien will conclude his 16-year Late Night run on Friday. Then it's off to LA to take over for Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show. [NYT]

The Internet won the election for Obama, right? President Change's team of online experts are trying to cash in on their expertise. Here are the contenders for the title of "Obama's Web guru."

Rick Santelli and a bunch of traders are furious! They are outraged at Barack Obama's crazy mortgage plan which will maybe stave off a couple foreclosures. [Update: New video with the best of Rick's rage!]

As some mixed, early reviews leak out, the debate about Watchmen's fidelity to its source novel continues to rage. That's all well and good, but we just want to know about Billy Crudup's blue wang.

While Stylista failed to thrill viewers or indeed expose anything about real life at Elle—we'll see if Marie Claire's soon-to-debut effort in the same vein, Running in Heels, does any better—the show did make a minor celebrity out of the mag's fashion news director, pretend Ice Queen Anne Slowey. Anne, along with her new puppy, Edie (after Sedgwick, like Leigh Lezark's dachshund, or Beale?), shares her fashion week opinions with Elle.com, the most important one being the answer to that perennial dilemma: Should one wear a designer to his/her own show? "As a rule, no. Certainly, never a full look. Maybe a piece if it's not too obvious. But never change from one show to the next. That looks old-school and ridiculous, and you run the risk of looking like you work there." Advice to take to heart unless, of course, you actually want to give the impression that you work for a designer.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein. The penultimate episode of Bravo's Top Chef aired last night. Let's discuss.

Have you always thought that rich people are jerks? Perhaps that's because of the fact that science has just proved: Rich people are jerks.

Bernie Madoff has turned into the devil incarnate for stealing money from various charity groups and schools. As of today, though, he may no longer be the most evil Ponzi schemer around. Meet Marvin Cooper. The founder of a company called Billion Coupons—the name alone should have been a warning sign, no?—Cooper now stands accused of bilking deaf people by holding investment seminars at deaf community centers. And here we were thinking we'd already reached the bottom of human depravity! [NYT/Dealbook]

Did you get sloppy drunk and have gross, festering sex with your roommate last night? If you did, you are not on the Real World: Brooklyn. 'Cause they don't do that anymore on that show.

After seven years away and one epically hatey meltdown, Mel Gibson's big-screen comeback finally has a studio backer.

Fashionable and flashy, the ultra-portable Sony^® VAIO^® Lifestyle PC makes a statement wherever you go. Check it out here.

This is normally the time of year when people start making plans for the summer and lock in their rentals in the Hamptons. Not this year. Last month, The Real Deal suggested the number of rental transactions was down by as much as 80 to 90 percent compared to last year at this time; today the Post offers up examples of prospective renters offering owners as little as half the official asking price. Things may very well get worse as nervous renters wait to see if prices fall further, and owners become increasingly desperate to take the first real offer that comes their way. In other words, don't be surprised if six recent college grads end up turning ex-Lehman COO Joe Gregory's $32 million Bridgehampton home into a booze-soaked share house.

Look, it's the portrait of CBS boss Les Moonves and his wife Julie Chen that hangs in their den. It shows various hangers-on toasting the couple as Les is maybe getting a hand job? [NYT]

Not to alarm you sheep out there as you go about your bourgeois activities this morning, but you should be aware that that the NYU student center food court has been occupied by revolutionaries!!

Tom Cruise would like Hollywood to know that he's still pretty employable—the white Will Smith! After successful turns in Tropic Thunder (funny!) and Valkyrie (not a total bomb!), Maverick is back.

Another breaking Politco scoop: academics like Obama and some of them have money! Did you know that "the stereotypes of rumpled, cash-strapped professors don't always apply"?

So who's still watching American Idol? Did you like that quick, nasty cutthroat semifinal elimination round yesterday as much as I did? It was so fast and bloody. Let's take a look at the mess.

Need some positive news about the global economy today? Happy to help. It seems the price of cocaine in Europe is falling fast "as smugglers use new routes through West Africa and the Balkans," according to the United Nations. Have a safe flight! [BBC via DBTH]