Traffic putters up Broadway into Times Square in 1954. Soon that famous traffic will be no more, as the stretch of Broadway between 42nd and 47th streets is set to become a pedestrian walkway.

Tomorrow, the old Defamer guard—whose heartfelt, semi-coherent ramblings you've warmly welcomed into your homes, office cubicles, and Unabomber shacks for nearly five years now—will bid you all a fond adieu. But this story ends happily.

It was bad enough when a Fox News producer was fired for possessing child pornography. But now a former NPR correspondent has been charged in a child porn case. The problem is media-wide!

• Eric Hara is leaving David Burke's Townhouse and Fishtail. He'll be replacing Joël Antunes as executive chef at the Plaza's Oak Room. [TFB, GS, DJ]
• Inakaya opens tonight. And the bathrooms totally rock. [GS, Zagat]
• Burger expert Josh Ozersky comes up with a revised list of NYC's top 10. [CS]
• Padma Lakshmi is "putting her passion for meat into a new commercial for Hardee's Bacon Western Thickburger." No comment. [People]
• Megu may take over the Merkato 55/Bijoux space on Gansevoort St. [DBTH]
• Dock's Oyster Bar on Broadway has closed its doors. [Eater]
• Your obsession with healthy food is killing your kids, just so you know. [NYT]
• According to a new poll, 41% of people in NYC describe themselves as "overweight" or "very overweight." The actual number? More like 56%. [NYP]

Sometimes, life is kind enough to fill a need you didn't even know you had. Here, then, is a hip-hop video that stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Ron Howard for some reason. You're welcome!

Fortune magazine staff writer Barney Gimbel has reportedly quit amid charges he ripped off entire sections of a New York Times Magazine article, in a plagiarism job a college freshman would be ashamed of.

The first batch of Watchmen reviews has arrived, drawing the geeks-vs.-trades divide into crisp, predictable relief. And while the critical haters are a minority, it's their box-office forecasts that could most alarm its producers.

Meet April Charney, a lawyer who specializes in helping underwater homeowners stay in their homes, as she literally sinks into the oceanic backdrop behind her. You couldn't find a better way to sum up these difficult economic times if you tried. [Business Insider]

This was quite possibly the dullest episode of American Idol in recent memory (and that's saying something!!! blah-blah) But at least there were cute boys! Well, one in particular. But the singing? Ick.

Dinosaurs: "They would still be here if they hadn't caught a cold," says this ad for aspirin-plus-vitamin-C. Product slogan: "So you don't catch a cold." Can you spot the two flaws in this campaign?

Simon Doonan, Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow hit the market in less than two hours! Act fast! Opportunities like this don't come around very often. Plus the money goes to a good cause, which should make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, independently of the fact you're going to actually sit down with Andy and watch him masticate. [Bailey House 21st Annual Auction]

Eliot Spitzer came out of hiding the other night to make an appearance at an event organized by The Atlantic, money manager Boykin Curry and his wife, interior designer Celerie Kemble. Billed as a "Not State of the Union viewing party" (and held at a townhouse owned by Russian-born billionaire Len Blavatnik), the former governor took to the mic after President Obama finished his remarks before Congress and explained to the crowd who he thought deserved blame for the current economic crisis:

Yahoo's new CEO Carol Bartz hates leaks, and we love Yahoo org charts, so the fact that we've received her announcement of the new Yahoo corporate structure is some kind of harmonic convergence.

In your funereal Thursday media column: the Rocky Mountain News is dead, we'll all see more dead soldiers, the New York Times is dying slowly [UPDATED: ad layoffs], and Tribune is dying quickly:

Partners & Spade, the latest venture by Andy Spade, opened a new outpost on Great Jones Street last night. The shop, which is only open on weekends and sells objects from $10 to $80,000, doesn't sell any "products," though. Spade prefers to calls the items on display "installations." And what is the most popular "installation," according to Spade? "A collection of Lehman Brothers–branded merchandise ranging from an infant onesie to a golf-ball set, all procured on eBay." This white Lehman-branded baseball cap is priced at $80. Sure, you could buy the same exact cap on eBay directly for one-eighth the price. But it wouldn't have Spade's seal of approval, would it? [Vanity Fair]

Fox just put in an order for two more seasons of The Simpsons, ensuring that it will exceed Gunsmoke's 20-year run to become the longest-running primetime series ever. Here's why it may never end.

You'd think so, if you paid attention to the crusty old American Medical Association, which is hopping mad that the dopey ladysad film prominently and frequently featured brand-name cigarettes. Though, none were ever smoked.

[Sarah Jessica Park in New York; image via Bauer-Griffin]

A staff writer at Michael Wolff's Newser, Victoria Floethe, is rumored to be having an affair with her boss. Who knew there were any media jobs still worth sleeping your way into?

That big Yves Saint Laurent art auction certainly has saved the art world. By proving that the dumb money is still out there. That $28 million chair was just one of the craziest buys: