["Gossip Girl" actor Ed Westwick eating a sammich in Los Angeles with two male pals; image via Splash]

It's been a rough few weeks for CNN. Ratings have falling fast, especially for primetime programs hosted by Anderson Cooper and Campbell Brown, news that came to light the same day Brown rather bizarrely confessed her apartment had been invaded by "toxic mold" in recent months. To make matters worse, this past weekend the Daily News revealed that Jeffrey Toobin, CNN's very-much-married legal analyst, has been having an affair with the daughter of former colleague Jeff Greenfield, and may have even gotten her pregnant, too. So how is CNN CEO Jon Klein responding to the bad news?

Imprisoned former press mogul Conrad Black, Baron Black of Crossharbour, spends his time in the penitentiary munching granola, answering email, and practicing piano. Rather like a resort for like-minded intellectuals, is it not?

It's that magical time when many actors clamor for parts that will probably never see the light of day. Scott Wolf, Alyssa Milano, that lady from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. But first, movie casting:

"Negative calorie" foods like celery, which reputedly burns more energy chewing than it actually contains, are the dieter's holy grail. So now a soft drink company is making the enticing claim that "Celsius"—super-caffeinated, vitamin and chemical-laced—burns 100 calories per can, meaning you can lose weight merely by sitting on your ass sucking down soda. "The beverage ramps up the body's metabolism," it's promised, "allowing those who consume it to stoke their calorie-burning furnaces."

Brian Tierney, the boss of the recently bankrupt Philadelphia newspapers, vowed last week he would "never close" the Philly Daily News. But he never said he wouldn't desperately rebrand it to save a nickel!

Today we have a celebrity with a terrible pickup line, an actress whose boyfriend thinks they're dating but she says they're really not, and a reality star who had sex parties in high school.

If you're looking to invest some money in real estate but you're not sure where exactly to place your bets, Ivanka Trump has some advice for you: Invest in Panama! "I have projects all over the world [and] have a unique sense of the global real estate climate and submarkets," she tells Latin Business Chronicle today. "With great conviction, Panama is one of the strongest, if not the strongest, real estate market." Who knew? Naturally, there's a reason for her extreme bullishness on the Central American nation: A 70-story Trump development is scheduled to open there next year. But she may be also thinking ahead in the event her dad's well-publicized financial troubles get even worse: She also tells the paper that she now sees the country as a great "escape." [Latin Business Chronicle via CS]

Pop culture scientists are now telling us that commercials actually make television more enjoyable. "The findings are simultaneously implausible and empirically coherent." That's what I'm saying! But we have detected some wackiness in this study:

Must be a slow day over at City Hall: Mayor Bloomberg plans to "temporarily rename" part of West 53rd Street "U2 Way" today, in honor of the group's latest CD. [AP]

Although the DVR ranks up there with the most miraculous of modern technologies and is cherished by many as the cornerstone of civilized existence thanks to its gift of freedom from the tyranny of commercial interruption, a new study is purporting to show that, yet again, people just have no idea what's good for them. TV ads, allegedly, make watching shows more, not less, fun.

In Tuesday's disturbing relationship newsdump, we learn Nadya Suleman's kids brutalize her, Rihanna's Chris Brown reunion riled her family and dinner with TomKat is as weird as you think.

New Yorkers were happier with Eliot Spitzer as governor—even after he became tangled up with Ashley Dupre—compared to David Paterson, according to the results of a new poll. Just 26 percent of the 1,045 voters surveyed by the Marist College Institute for Public Opinion said Paterson was doing either a "good" or "excellent" job, the lowest job approval figures Marist has seen in the 27 years it's been surveying voters. (Spitzer had a 30 percent approval in the days after his prostitution scandal broke.) At least Paterson seems to be aware of his enormous unpopularity: "If it wasn't for A-Rod and Bernie Madoff, they'd just about run me out of this state right now." [NYT]

Denver's Rocky Mountain News closed Friday. And this week? The writers are blogging, naturally, at IWantMyRocky.com. Here's to hoping someone invited the advertising staff onto the site.

• Got $75 million to spare? Edward Lee Cave says Courtney Sale Ross' massive duplex at 740 Park is still up for sale and he's willing to show the apartment to "qualified buyers." [NYO]
• Srinivas Modukuri, the former head of mortgage strategies at Lehman Brothers, paid $2.995 million for a three-bedroom apartment on the 10th floor of 74 Fifth Avenue. [Cityfile]
• Fashion stylist and V magazine editor-at-large Beat Bolliger paid $1.59 million for a two-bedroom apartment at 12 East 12th Street. [Cityfile]

It would be hard to come up with a cheaper ad campaign: Mars' new fruit-candy promotion consists of redirecting its homepage to a Twitter search for "Skittles." Successful? Wildly.

Sure, Jimmy Fallon was awkward on his Late Night debut, as first-time hosts tend to be. But expectations are so low the comedian just needed to show a little promise. That he did.

Radio host (and nerdy girl pin-up) Ira Glass turns 50 today. Actress (and girlfriend of Justin Timberlake) Jessica Biel turns 27. Lucky editor-in-chief Kim France is 45. City council member David Yassky is 45. Food Network host Tyler Florence turns 38. Famed choreographer Karole Armitage turns 55. Former Rangers star Brian Leetch is 41. Actress Miranda Richardson is 51. Julie Bowen from TV shows Ed and Weeds is 39. And David Faustino of Married... with Children fame turns 35 today.

• Lindsay Lohan says she wants to convert to Judaism so she can "prove her commitment" to girlfriend Sam Ronson. She even went to the great trouble of updating her Facebook status to "I'm converting." [Daily Mail, P6]
• Katie Holmes looked "gaunt and tired" at an LA restaurant over the weekend. It could just be the elaborate security precautions wearing her down: Tom's security detail insisted on "sweeping" the eatery before anyone sat down to eat. [NYDN, MSNBC]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna have left Miami for LA and are now staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. The public outrage over the reconciliation continues, though. [E!, LAT, OK!, People]
• Jimmy Fallon looked a bit "awkward" and "stiff" when his talk show made its debut last night with guests Robert De Niro and Justin Timberlake. [Us]

A poll conducted by the by the National Sleep Foundation finds nearly a third of all Americans are losing sleep because they're worried about the economy. "Money fears far outweigh other problems—such as the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, global warming or a terror attack—when it comes to staying awake at night." [NYP]