If you found it heartwarming to hear that Deputy Mayor Ed Skyler is now personally fighting crime, you'll be extra pleased to hear that Michael Bloomberg has expanded his role as mayor and has started saving lives. The Mayor rushed to the side of a Lehman College student who fainted during a news conference this morning, and led the effort to revive him by searching for a pulse, unbuttoning his shirt, and trying to get the boy to keep talking until paramedics arrived. No word on what kind of emergency preparedness courses they're taking over there at City Hall these days, but if Patti Harris manages to save a child from a burning building next week, we're really going to start getting suspicious. [NYT/City Room]

[Matthew McConaughey Sticksailing (or something) in Malibu; image via Splash]

Too busy partying in Austin, Dennis Crowley never replied to our questions about whether Foursquare was built on code owned by Google. He's denied it to other press, but we hear he's telling buddies otherwise.

In your outrageously newsy Wednesday media column: a PR conspiracy theory for Us Weekly, updates on Conde Nast layoffs and Interview cheapskate-ness, Steve Bartelstein vanishes, and trade mags start wheezing:

Another rude restaurant-goer! The pretty woman is in town shilling her new movie, and was evidently not the most gracious of restaurant guests while having dinner in the West Village last night.

Can we interest you in an office building in the financial district? The most despised company in America, AIG, is now looking to unload its 66-story Art Deco tower at 70 Pine Street and has tapped star commercial broker Darcy Stacom to handle the deal. Unfortunately, the building isn't expected to go for much more than $100 million, a far cry from what the company could have made a few months ago when it was worth $300 million or more. Presumably the price will continue to drop as time passes (and the company has to figure out how to pay for the next round of employee bonuses). In the meantime, you could always pick up 70 Pine at a real bargain and go for a pewter version for $150. [NYP]

In the '90s, the Web cognoscenti joked about doing crack. But New York Times columnist David Carr actually did crack! Which might explain his befuddlement in this clip from the SXSW Interactive conference in Austin.

Bobby Jindal isn't officially running for president in 2012. But he sure isn't wasting any time filling up his campaign coffers. We're pleased to share with you this invite that went out to top NYC Republican donors this week, promising "cocktails and conversation" with the Republican governor of Louisiana at Georgette Mosbacher's Fifth Avenue apartment on April 15. For just $1,000 a person. (Or $2,000 if you're spending corporate money.) A larger scan of the invite is here.

Country week is often the worst Idol theme night, because belting black ladies and barn-burning rocker grrls and fey dancepixie gays have a hard time twanging. This year's version went... actually, kinda OK.

60 Minutes creator Don Hewitt is hospitalized with pancreatic cancer. Liz Smith reports. [Update/ Clarification]

Discovery Communications, the owner of cable channels like FitTV and Animal Planet, is suing Amazon.com, maker of the Kindle, over an electronic-books patent taken out by its founder and CEO, John Hendricks, years ago.

Beck (pictured here, at home) has gone off the deep end, rehashing ancient John Bircher conspiracy theories, pointing his growing audience toward extremist literature, and gleefully (and tearfully) playing at unstable demagoguery. This doesn't sit well with Mr. Frum, who'd maybe like to see the Republican party win elections instead of forming paramilitary militias in fortified rural compounds. (YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE SURROUND THEM, I'M WORRIED FOR THIS COUNTRY—we think we know where that sort of argument is headed!)

"The Flavor of the Week! Black in White! Chocolate in Vanilla." This Russian ice cream ad starring a cartoon Obama is...what? Racist? Delicious? Sickening? Creamy? Russians are drunks! Putin's a whore! Unhand me! Click through:

David Friehling, the New York accountant who signed off on Bernie Madoff's books, has been arrested as an accomplice in Madoff's Ponzi scheme. His alleged crime? Not doing his job.

It happened again last night! Six strange women crawled, Ringu-like, out of my television and nestled their weathered and brittle frames against me. It was both terrifying and oddly pleasant. Let me describe.

No one would ever underestimate the myriad stresses and strains of working in fashion: Not only are you carrying the awesome responsibility of making pretty clothes, you also have no choice but to be impeccably groomed at all times. But those glossy women who labor so indefatigably on all of our behalfs have a further cross to bear, one they've been stoically silent about—until now! As W reports, the likes of Shoshanna Lonstein Gruss, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, and Charlotte Ronson all deal with the absolute minefield of what to wear on the weekends, when they may need to take a well-earned rest from getting decked out in high-end labels, but must do so without disgracing themselves and their noble yet viciously judgmental industry.

Here's something scary that exists: The Automotive Broadcasting Network ("Fueled by CBS"!), which beams soothing, automotive industry-friendly news into car dealerships, so as not to upset the customers. Katie Couric is a GM zombie!

• NBC chief Jeff Zucker says that despite the fact Jim Cramer got his ass handed to him last week by Jon Stewart, it's had absolutely no impact on CNBC. Believe that and you may also be willing to buy that everything's perfect at MSNBC and NBC, and Zucker has a perfect head of hair, too. [Portfolio, B&C]
• Crain Communications has cut 150 staffers and sliced salaries by 10%. [PC]
• Don Hewitt, the creator of 60 Minutes, is in the hospital with cancer. [Wow]
• Media advertising fell 2.6% in 2008, according to Nielsen. [B&C]
• Interview seems to be having financial difficulties. [Gawker]
• Discovery has filed a patent suit against Amazon over the Kindle. [WSJ]
• The Hills's Audrina Patridge has a reality show of her own in the works. [THR]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs is a racist. But you probably knew that already. [Gawker]

Bill O'Reilly foolishly recorded an audio version of his crappy old novel, and now his sexiest quotes are all over the internet. "Cup your hands under your breasts and hold them for ten seconds."

The Telegraph, a conservative British paper with marginally more class than The Sun, is very worried about American congresspeople "spamming" the YouTubes and gumming up the pipes.