Bernie Madoff would still very much like to go home to his Upper East Side penthouse while he awaits sentencing. Lawyer Ira Sorkin pressed the case in front of a three-judge panel this morning and argued he wasn't a flight risk. Prosecutors begged to disagree, and the judges said they'd issue a ruling "in due course." So there's still a small sliver of hope, which should boost Bernie's spirits a bit today. [NYT]

You'll be relieved to hear that Dasha Zhukova, whose surprise appointment as editor-in-chief of Pop magazine triggered a bitchy wave of consternation across certain sections of the fashion world—because, you know, presiding over the compilation of pretty pictures is on a par with brain surgery—is not letting the haters deter her. She says she's cutting back on her involvement with fashion line Kova & T in order to focus on her new job, as well as on her Moscow gallery. "Garage and Pop magazine are my priorities," she told a journalist interviewing her about an exhibition of art owned by French billionaire Francois Pinault, opening today at Garage.

Did you hear about that little scandal over at AIG? Yea, well, someone's been stealing Vikram Pandit's copy of the Journal from his doorstep the past few mornings because Bloomberg just dropped the bombshell that Citigroup plans to spend "about $10 million" building out new offices for Pandit and his top lieutenants. According to affidavits filed with New York's Department of Buildings, the bank that has collected $45 billion from the U.S. government will spend at least $3.2 million constructing 17 offices. But when you account for the architect's fees—and add in the cost of furniture—"the tally for the offices at the bank's Park Avenue headquarters will be at least three times as high." But it sure sounds like it will be lovely: The plans "specify the installation of at least one Sub-Zero refrigerator and icemaker in the renovated space, along with 'premium grade' millwork and Madico Inc. 'Safety Shield 800' blast-proof window film." Too bad by the time construction work is done, Pandit will be out of a job.

• Good news for billionaire(?) Dan Loeb: His hedge fund may have seen better days, but he's $5.5 million richer now that he's successfully sold his carriage house at 7 MacDougal Alley to art gallery director Gordon Veneklasen. It's a tad less than the $7 million he was looking for back in October, but he still has that $45 million condo at 15 CPW, so you don't have to worry about Dan just yet. [Cityfile]
• So much for that rental at 40 Mercer: The Post now says the newly-engaged Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone may have picked up a 4,500-square-foot spread in the Robert A.M. Stern-designed Superior Ink development for $13 million. [NYP]
• Bruce Wilcox, an exec at Cumberland Associates, has put the townhouse at 125 East 62nd Street he bought for $8.5 million in 2005 on the market for $9.45 million. [Cityfile, Sotheby's]

Harvey Weinstein turns 57 today. Tribeca Film Festival co-founder Craig Hatkoff is turning 55. Glenn Close is 62. Bruce Willis is 54. Estée Lauder chairman Leonard Lauder is turning 76. Times managing editor Jill Abramson is 55. Author Philip Roth turns 76. Financier Stephen Friedman is 71. Former Bond girl Ursula Andress is 73. SNL writer Jorma Taccone is 32. And the Pointer Sisters' Ruth Pointer turns 63 today.

• Not such good news for Kanye West: He was charged with misdemeanor battery, grand theft and vandalism yesterday in connection with the fight he had with a bunch of photographers at LAX back in September. He could face up to 2 1/2 years in jail if convicted, although that's highly unlikely. And since they're not felony charges, he isn't expected to appear in court when he's arraigned on April 14. [NYDN, LAT, AP]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are supposedly planning a massive—but totally top-secret!—second wedding, just in time for their one-year anniversary in April. But please don't tell anyone. [In Touch]
• James Franco is having a hard time moving around the Columbia University campus now that so many of his fans have figured out his class schedule. [P6]
• John Mayer's rep says he is not writing a tell-all book about Jennifer Aniston, despite what you may have read in Star. [MSNBC]

• Andrew Cuomo has won the battle to force Bank of America to turn over the names of the 200 Merrill employees who earned the largest bonuses right before the firm was acquired. He says he'll release the info today. [CNN, NYT]
• As you can probably imagine, it's been "the worst week in a string of bad weeks" for Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner. [NYT]
• Of course, it's also been a pretty lousy few days for AIG chief Ed Liddy, who walked into this big mess when he took the top job last September. [NYT]
• A record number of hedge funds were forced to close up shop last year: About 1,471 hedge funds were liquidated in 2008. [NYP, DB]
• The Fed plans to buy $300 billion of long-term Treasuries and hundreds of billions of dollars more in mortgage-backed securities. [BN, WSJ]
• JPMorgan reports the bank's CEO, Jamie Dimon, earned about $19.7 million in total compensation for 2008. And how did you do last year? [Reuters]
• Citigroup has canceled its order to buy three new jets. [Dealbreaker]

There's now a rumored-price tag on George W. Bush's forthcoming memoirs, "Decision Points:" a $7 million advance from publisher Crown. How does that stack up to other Deciders?

It's hard being a celebrity: James Franco is getting mobbed by fellow students at Columbia; presumably the coeds will never provoke from him the sort of battery Kanye West allegedly inflicted on his oglers.

After calling John McCain's daughter "plus-sized,", giving the vapid Daily Beast columnist an excuse to keep talking, Laura Ingraham is now claiming the whole feud was manufactured by "Obama attack dogs."

Did you know teenaged girls are still defending Chris Brown, despite him all but admitting to beating up Rihanna? It's true; the New York Times has been hanging with high schoolers to find out.

Could the White House at least vet candidates for fashion sense, if not their arrest records? Vivek Kundra, the scandal-drenched federal CIO, was arrested in 1996 for shoplifting four dress shirts. From J.C. Penney.

You know who this global economic implosion is really hurting? Broadcast networks. How can they mint money if Overlord Obama is constantly doing TV addresses, like a Soviet Secretary General?

Oh, wow, is it spring already? Must be, since the seasonal "Marc Jacobs is getting MARRIED!" rumors are now upon us, courtesy Women's Wear Daily.

Following Natasha Richardson's death at age 45, we take a look back at the actress' career.

In a complete reversal, Sen. Chris Dodd admitted he inserted language into the stimulus bill allowing $165 million in bonuses to those AIG executives. But the President made him do it!

The merry pranksters from Improv Everywhere have posted their latest "mission" online. They set up an art gallery opening at the 23rd Street subway station, had tuxedoed waiters hand out drinks, recruited a cellist to perform, and put little signs next to the fixtures thereby "transforming them into works of art." Video of the group's antics is below.

Actress Natasha Richardson passed away in a New York hospital following complications from the brain injury she incurred while skiing, according to a statement released by her family. She was 45.

• The premiere of the new Valentino documentary last night attracted the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow, Claire Danes, Madonna, and Anne Hathaway, although the big topic of discussion was the designer's collection of pugs—Milton, Monty, Maude, Margot, Maggie, and Molly. [WWD, BB, SW]
• So, like, what's the deal with Valentino's tan? Don't ask Matt Tyrnauer, who followed the designer around for years to make the doc: "He does have that Mediterranean skin, but beyond that, I'm not sure." [NYM]
• Project Runway finalist Kenley Collins was arrested today for assaulting her fiance with their cat. We're not sure what means either. [NYP]
• CNN's profile of French Vogue's Carine Roitfeld is now online. [Fashionologie]

[A little boy enjoys the warm late-winter weather and plays with geese in Riverside Park today. Which is along the Hudson. Where planes get goose attacked and have to land. RuhRoh. Image: ennuipoet's Flickr]