Online photo service ScanCafe tells us a customer in upstate New York submitted this photo, ostensibly of Bernie Madoff, about a week ago. We were skeptical, but check out the nose and the smile.

The Googleplex is a place apart. But are the brainiacs of Mountain View, Calif. so cloistered that they haven't heard of AIG's woes? Apparently so, judging by new graphics VP Marissa Mayer unveiled Wednesday.

During last night's presidential press conference, CNN's Ed Henry hurled an incoherent barrage of mostly pointless/redundant questions at Barack Obama, including one randomly involving Obama's daughters. Why? Henry helpfully posted his astonishing explanation.

Tesla Motors, once Silicon Valley's hottest electric-car startup, has a host of real problems, like a shortage of cash and a paranoid CEO. How is its top flack spending her time? Taking "umbrage" with bloggers!

• Lauren Conrad isn't folding her clothing line. She's just taking a "couple of seasons" off, silly. [SW]
• Topshop gave away free stuff today. [Racked, NYM]
• Jason Wu has yet to meet Michelle Obama in person! Clearly, this outrage must be rectified at once. Get to work, Desirée. [Vogue UK]
• Thom Browne has accumulated so much debt that he may lose control of his own company. [NYP]
• Is Filene's Basement about to go bust? [WWD]
• A law under discussion in Texas and Florida would require minors to get a doctor's note before using a tanning bed. And the Florida provision would ban tanning for anyone under the age of 16. Bastards! [Style.com]

AIG issues new vehicles for executives [EV Grieve]

Exciting news, Lauren Bush fans: The most popular member of the Bush clan unveiled her new clothing line at Barneys today, and there was nary a scrap of burlap in sight! A step in the right direction? Possibly! Bush says the "mission" of the line, which is named Lauren Pierce after her first and middle names, "is about the fabrics and the cause." "I didn't want it to be about my personality," she explained. We're hardly fashion branding experts, but if you'd prefer your line to be more closely identified with your "mission" as opposed to your "personality," is it really the best idea to name it after yourself? At least she was thoughtful enough to do away with any association to her not-so-popular uncle, which should count for something. [VF, previously]

Fox News' in-house embarrassment and populist demagogue wannabe Glenn Beck tried to explain the whole economic mess with a dead fish. Which he was so afraid to touch that he had to wear rubber gloves.

A Today anchorlady thinks her cohost is higher than a kite, a New Yorker aims to get drunk, Alex Balk perks up his ears, and everyone else pretends to work. The latest from Twitteronia:

Digg needs to sell itself. Kevin Rose's headline-voting site is drowning; the more popular it gets, the more red ink it generates. But who needs a bunch of news stories rated? Here's an idea: Amazon.com.

Your Press Release of the Day adeptly communicates the fact that fine cigars are all about taste. The taste of Monica Lewinsky's pussy, yea!

So last night, while our President tried to explain everything that sucks right now to America and her idiot press, House Republican Whip Eric Cantor went to a Britney Spears concert.

Nathan Singh, a 27-year-old U.K. prison warden, has been fired for making friends with 13 criminals on Facebook. Singh was suspected of smuggling cell phones to his Facebook pals.

Funny or Die figures out how all SXSW movies are all the same.

Celebubutt Kim Kardashian's Photoshopped picture from Complex magazine is the grownup(?) version of Highlights for Kids: How many differences can you spot?

NBC News has instituted an across-the-board freeze on raises for its executives and talent, even those with contracts guaranteeing them salary bumps.

• Bouley was on every critic's menu today: Frank Bruni handed it three stars ("only Daniel and Per Se give you quite the same feeling of giddy privilege"); the Post's Steve Cuozzo was extremely pleased ("heartstoppingly beautiful"); and TONY's Jay Cheshes was perfectly happy with the food, although he thought the service could have been a bit better. [NYT, NYP, TONY]
• Word has it that the new exec chef at Graydon Carter's Monkey Bar is Elliot Ketley, formerly of Soho House. Also: Not surprisingly, people who collect a paycheck from Carter think it's absolutely marvelous. [Gothamist, NYO]
• Per Se's new à la carte menu—revealed! [Eater]
• The best dive bar in NYC per Details? Jimmy's Corner on West 44th. [Details]
• A visit to Dutch Kills, the buzzed-about bar opening in Long Island City. [BB]
• Red wine increases the female libido, for your information. [Decanter]
• Rachael Ray will be at the 92Y tomorrow if you've got $27 to spare. [92Y]

You know what you don't see much any more? Those supremely reassuring AIG TV commercials. They've disappeared, for some reason. Luckily astute (and bitter) people have preserved them on the internet!

To build the new, Google must tear down the old. As must its billionaire cofounder Larry Page, whose neighbors believe he's illegally tearing down houses in Palo Alto to make room for a gargantuan eco-mansion.

The Satanic Myspace page of 16-year-old John Katehis, who confessed to murdering newsman George Weber, has already been deleted. We've salvaged quite a few of his photos. Here, the complete, creepy collection: