Anderson Cooper was seen "rapidly texting" on his cell phone in the bathroom of the cruisey David Barton Gym in Chelsea. Or at least we think that's what E!'s Ted Casablanca is saying, but we can't be sure since we rarely understand anything Casablanca says. Assuming it's true, though, you can also assume that whatever Cooper was writing couldn't have been any smuttier than anything his mom has written recently. [E!]

God. If an ad for hemorrhoid cream is posted on the internet by bloggers, you know it's something you're better off not looking at.

When it wasn't busy blowing up the economy, Bloomberg reports, Lehman Brothers was trading uranium—the same stuff that George Bush famously claimed Saddam Hussein was importing from Niger. Funny, we invaded Iraq for that.

A porny pic of actor Marlon Brando with his lips locked on a male member has circulated in Hollywood for decades. So why is a Hollywood gossip blog so excited about seeing the dirty photo?

Junk-haus auteur Quentin Tarantino is a guest judge on American Idol tonight, for the second time. He's an unabashed, earnest fan of the show. It got us thinking. What kind of people watch Idol?

The Taxi & Limousine Commission is looking for new ways to "enhance the technology systems" in cabs, and the agency has a long list of ideas they've been batting around at TLC HQ in recent months. Unfortunately, most of them are pretty stupid—and none of them address the very minor technological glitch that leads cabs to spontaneously blow up from time to time—so don't expect commuting around town to improve much in the near future.

NYC subway ad vandalartist Poster Boy is all up the fancy galleries now! Well not the "fancy" galleries, but galleries nonetheless. But do ad remixes really translate to gallery walls? Kinda.

This memo just went out to Hachette employees, notifying them of company-wide pay cuts and an increase in hours.

Three New York City Googlers went on Martha Stewart to show off a scallops recipe today. How fun! But Martha was far more interested in their employer's lavish perks.

This photo of JPMorgan Chase chief Jamie Dimon holding up his fists ready to throw down? It's not just for show. If Chase loans you money to, say, buy a Mercedes SUV and you don't pay the bank back, Dimon will use any means necessary to insure you follow through. At least that's what a man named James Ricobene claims, who is now suing JPMorgan Chase for allegedly resorting to dirty tactics to collect the collateral on a car loan. Ricobene says Chase hired a shady collection outfit to harass him and posted a threatening message on his daughter's MySpace page vowing to report the 2007 Mercedes GL450 as stolen and put him in jail for two years if he didn't come up with the goods. We can't imagine Dimon would condone such unethical conduct, if only because he probably doesn't even know what MySpace is. But Ricobene probably shouldn't have been in this position to begin with, especially since he happens to be the president of a company called Cash Flow Consultants Inc. The full suit after the jump!

"Black care never catches a rider whose pace is fast enough," Rod Blagojevich said to assembled reporters outside a Chicago courthouse today. That means he pleaded not guilty.

In your hopeful Tuesday media column: Portfolio.com hires(!) people, NYT op-ed-speak translated, Philly papers make an offer you can refuse, and journalists in peril:

Here's a picture of Bo, formerly known as Charley, formerly known as Amigo's New Hope, when he was just a puppy. It's from the breeder's web site. Cute, no?

• Hachette is cutting salaries and asking staff to work overtime. Fun! [Gawker]
• Amazon is blaming an "embarrassing and ham-fisted cataloging error" for the dropping the sales rankings of thousands of gay and lesbian books. [AFP]
• Bravo has picked up four new shows, including one produced by Sarah Jessica Parker and another by Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. [THR, THR]
• NBC's Boston affiliate, WHDH, has backed down from its threat to skip Jay Leno's new 10pm show when it debuts this fall. [B&C]
• Marriott will no longer automatically provide guests with a free copy of USA Today or the Journal. You're gonna have to ask for it from now on. [E&P]

Russell Crowe, who's playing a hero journalist in his next movie, was on the Today Show bashing reporters, but, to tell you the truth, his description of the people at movie junkets is pretty apt.

Hah, it's fun to marginalize a protest movement by selectively focusing on its craziest fringes, but the "Tea Party" movement is all fringe and no legitimate grievance. Look, the white supremacists are psyched!

Glenn Beck turned up this morning to bathe in the warm sycophancy of Fox & Friends, and to tell the heroic tale of how he saved a fainting man's life on television yesterday.

Zoolanderesque Philly fameball Arthur Kade has a problem: "I become so much better than everyone else that I get bored and stop focusing on the basics." That's just the beginning.

Is Twitter amoral? Scientists have probed the issue, but the answer is obvious: Of course it is. It's a blank slate, by design — empty of values except for the cultish worship of the now.

She may not know much about PR, but one thing Olivia Palermo does know a lot about is nail polish, at least according to UK's Look magazine, which has declared her a "new style icon" for being brave enough to stick with the red nail color trend and get "snapped wearing the same nail colour again and again." Who knew Olivia's tiny fingers were capable of having such a profound effect on society? It's the next bit, though, that's really surprising: "With millions in the bank and a list of fashionable friends, you would think she would have a selection of nail varnishes to choose from." We would think she has multiple colors to choose from: That's how Korean nail salons operate, silly! We're not so sure about the whole "millionaire" bit, but presumably her dad will be pleased to hear the news.