New York Times executive editor Bill Keller has updated his staff on the cuts he's making to the newsroom budget. There had already been word that the City and Escapes sections — both largely produced by freelancers — were being scrapped. But today's memo makes it clear that the paper is looking to trim its freelance budgets everywhere, including ending the weekly fashion spread in the New York Times Magazine.

Did you, who lived through the 80s, ever think you'd live to see the day when you couldn't make money with a mall in America, or with a pub in England? That day has come!

Here's something else to know about San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, besides the gay marriage advocacy and the hair gel and the preggers, softcore-porn-acting wife and the fameball cousins: His press secretary makes pot jokes.

[Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Doug the Burrito Heir from "The Hills", in foggy Londontowne last night; image via INF]

As department stores across the country slash the prices of designer clothes—much to the dismay of both fashion houses and smaller boutiques who can't compete with the discounts—a shocking epiphany is flashing across the minds of label-whores everywhere: Could it be true that a high-end designer dress or pair of pants isn't intrinsically worth its astronomical full-ticket price?

23andMe, the Google-backed genetic-testing startup run by Anne Wojcicki, the wife of Google cofounder Sergey Brin, has everyone from Rupert Murdoch on down spitting into test tubes at parties. Too bad it's useless!

The quickest way to land a book deal? Become besties with Gwyneth Paltrow, obviously! A month after Gwynnie's bikini waxer inked a deal with Penguin Books. Now comes word that Tracy Anderson, the personal trainer Paltrow shares with Madonna, has landed a six-figure deal of her own with Grand Central Publishing. So if you can't afford the $900 a month membership fees to Tracy's gym, or even the $200 workout sessions she's offering at a depressing Midtown hotel, you'll be able to take advantage of her wisdom in a slim, paperback volume. Best of all, you won't need to exercise your body or your brain doing it.

The Golden Girls go global, Jennifer Jason Leigh takes another interesting role, old timers get reality shows, and Jenny Lumet probably won't be teaching next semester.

Here is what is happening in America today: citizens grow obese; paranoia sets in; we all huddle in our homes, poor and alone, doing workout videos and cleaning our many, many guns, preparing for battle.

Kari Ferrell: pathological liar, con artist, hipster grifter, fugitive from justice. She left quite a trail. And we're on it! Today, we have pictures, video, and stories from ex-friends and (maybe) family.

When Congressman Stephen Collins' (Ben Affleck) mistress is murdered, a team of investigative reporters lead by Cal McCaffrey (Russell Crowe) set off to find the truth. Also featuring Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren and Jason Bateman. Click through to view the trailer and a Look Behind the Scenes. Catch State of Play, in theaters tomorrow.

Dick Parsons stepped down as Time Warner's chairman at the end of 2008, and handed over the reigns as the company's CEO to Jeff Bewkes a year before that. That isn't stopping Time Warner from sprucing up his office, though! The company disclosed it plans to spend $776,000 this year to make heading into the office every couple of months a more pleasant experience for Parsons, and the company will also pay to provide him with a secretary. Considering Parsons is now the chairman of Citigroup, presumably he'll also be getting a fancy new office at 399 Park Avenue just as soon as Citi CEO Vikram Pandit is finished with his $10 million renovation of the second-floor "executive suite." And yet despite two new spaces, he still won't have access to a Zen garden! (At least not one that Citigroup or Time Warner will be paying for.) But he can always make one himself if really wants to.

Sandra Bernhard heading into a yoga studio in the West Village ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving her Village townhouse with a carton of Easter eggs ... Heidi Klum carrying son Johan into FAO Schwarz ... Dave Matthews crossing the street ... Liam Neeson watching the Knicks play at Madison Square Garden with his sons Michael and Daniel, just a few seats away from where Spike Lee is sitting ... Rachel McAdams heading into her hotel ... Lauren Conrad arriving at JFK ... Tory Spelling leaving NBC studios at Rockefeller Center ... Wilmer Valderrama walking on the Lower East Side ... and Seal leaving a hotel in Soho.

The sign over Sean Hannity's right shoulder reads: "STOP WASTEFUL SPENDING. IMPEACH THE KENYAN PIRATE AND HIS CREW."

Today we have only two sad little items. One about a comedian who's doing drugs, shockingly. The other is about, well, an actor who's doing drugs. But it's research for a role. So.

Break out the confetti and American Flag sheet cakes, because the heroic crew of the ship jacked by pirates is back in the USA! A nation celebrates, on instinct. Meanwhile, the pirates are talking shit!

Parents today are burdened with so many responsibilities when it comes to raising kids: providing them with a good education, making sure they eat healthy food, obtaining the right ADHD medication, being vigilant to the myriad threats posed by the internet. But none of the above is nearly as important as paying thousands of dollars to ensure your son or daughter's life isn't ruined before it's even begun by the horrific handicap of crooked teeth. Yes, apparently people would rather starve on the streets than see their precious offspring go without braces.

Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has posted a loss the last four out of five years and the stock is now hovering at $3 a share. But you didn't expect any of that to impact Martha's own compensation package, did you? The founder of the now-struggling media company just sealed a new three-year contract that will earn her at least $2 million a year for the next three years, according to a filing with the SEC. She'll also earn a bonus of as much as $1.5 million for each of those years, plus receive a one-time "retention incentive" payment of $3 million. Oh, yea, and then there's that company-funded home delivery and backup power system at her house, which isn't bad either. [WSJ]

• Hedge fund manager James Torrey and his wife Podie Lynch have closed on the sale of their duplex at 131 East 66th Street, albeit for substantially less the $14.5 million they were seeking last November. The 4,850-square-foot apartment, which went into contract in December, sold for $9 million to John Heimann, a former exec at Merrill Lynch and his wife Maria-Cristina Anzola. [Cityfile]
• Comedian Lisa Lampanelli has paid $1.32 million for a two-bedroom condo at 2250 Broadway on the Upper West Side. [NYP]
• Haig Schneiderman, who owns the Knish Nosh knish chain (among other things), and his wife Alison, have put their 4,000-square-foot apartment at 25 Central Park West on the market for $10.7 million. [Cityfile, BHS]

Ellen Barkin is turning 55 today, although she probably shouldn't expect flowers from any of her famous exes. Legendary choreographer Merce Cunningham is turning 90. Model Alek Wek is 32. Actor Lukas Haas is turning 33. Architect Ricardo Scofidio is 74. Jon Cryer is 44. So is comedian Martin Lawrence. Basketball great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is turning 62. Patriots coach Bill Belichick turns 57. And Joseph Alois Ratzinger—the man better known as Pope Benedict XVI— is turning 82 years old today.