The perpetually put-upon parents of Park Slope have yet another outrage to face! Already battling listserv fees and fighting sexist hats, the yups must now contend with dogs trying to eat their babies!

This is a tough time for the magazine business, so it's only to be expected that publishers will do whatever is necessary to defend their dying brands. You may have never picked up a copy of Metropolitan Home (or even heard of the title), but Hachette wasn't thrilled to find out that a company has been producing lighting fixtures under the "Metropolitan Home" name, especially since part of Hachette's plan to save the title consists of launching a line of home decor products under the same name.

A teen reigns at the box office once again, this time though, it's a boy! Plus politics and newspapers don't resound too much with audiences, nor do dark Taxi Driver-esque mall comedies.

How many hot-buttons does the news that the NSA wiretapped Congresswoman Jane Harman involve? Let's count: 1) public corruption, 2) "Israel Lobby" espionage, 3) intelligence agencies spying on lawmakers and 4) Bush's hyper-politicization of everything.

Rudy Giuliani, what the hell is this about? You are the GOP's gay roommate-having Opera-loving cross-dressing Manhattan dandy, and now you are against the gay marriage?

When it comes to things to throw at dirty politicians, there are so many options—tomatoes, furniture, urine-filled water balloons, etc. Why not think big? Alas, India is stuck in shoe-throwing rut. Biters!

We occasionally get emails (or actual mail) from people looking to pass a message to one of the people profiled on this site. Normally we'd just delete the message and move on, but we'd really hate to think that George Soros would miss out on a "fantastic" investment opportunity, especially when guaranteed moneymakers are so few and far between these days. If anyone at Soros Fund Management happens to be reading this, you'll find the details on "the ultimate deal" courtesy of a man named "Benny Q." after the jump. If you're intrigued and dying to connect with Benny to hear more, contact us and we'll put y'all in touch.

Today we have a greedy young starlet, a jealous Tweeter, a TV actor offering sex to a TV hostess, and a foreign actor on a sex and heroin junket-launched bender. Just like in America's Sweethearts.

Somali pirates are swaggering around shore like big gangsters, stealing women from the honest guys. Which is ironic, since the best idea yet to control the pirates is: make the women hit them with rocks.

As fans of fashion/ritualized flagellation celebrate the imminent return of Project Runway, we are reminded that the show is the very definition of a double-edged sword: Yes, it glorifies that black-hearted baby machine Heidi Klum, but it's also enabled the lovely Tim Gunn to impart his civilizing insight not only to his contestants, but to us all. For example, as he tells the Miami Herald, "there are three key aspects to being fashionable: silhouette, proportion and fit." Words to live by!

More bad news for Kelly Bensimon. A socialite gets engaged, and an actress turns 30. Plus the requisite Jennifer Aniston sadness news and word of Madonna's continued disgraces.

Rubina Ali was plucked from the slums of Mumbai to star in Slumdog Millionaire, which went on to be a smash hit around the world. Too bad absolutely nothing good came of that!

Marisa Tomei walking with her boyfriend, Logan Marshall Green ... Jon Stewart shopping with his wife and kids on 8th and Broadway ... Christy Turlington and Ed Burns crossing the street with their kids in Tribeca ... ... Lauren Conrad leaving JFK ... Joy Bryant holding a baby during a lunch at Gemma ... Anderson Cooper walking by himself ... Jay-Z and Beyonce shopping in Soho ... Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber walking to Pinkberry with their son and dog ... Rachel McAdams and Josh Lucas getting out of a car in front of their hotel in Soho ... Heidi Klum and Seal arriving at LaGuardia with their kids ... Josh Hartnett walking with a friend in Soho ... and Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott leaving dinner at Cipriani Downtown.

Unless you have reason to keep track of focus group-speak, you may not know that those born after 1980 are no longer members of Gen Y: They're Millennials, and unlike the brash, acquisitive, me-me-me Gen Y brats with their bling and labels and rainbow parties, Millennials are apparently leading the zeitgeist's new mood of worthy earnestness. Needless to say, this a huge pain for MTV, which is now obliged to supplement its usual rotation of spoiled vapidity displays like My Super Sweet 16 with shows that—God help us—are more community-spirited and "inspirational."

• It looks like Abigail Disney has found a new apartment to replace the West End Avenue co-op she recently sold: The Disney heiress and her husband, Pierre Hauser, are paying $12.16 million for a 16th-floor apartment at 15 Madison Square North. [Cityfile]
• Writer/director John Ridley paid $6.65 million for a 2,237-square-foot condo at 15 Central Park West in July 2008, relisted it a few days later for $13 million, and then dropped the price to $9.995 million last December. Now he's cutting his asking price some more: The three-bedroom pad is currently listed for $8.5 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]

How disturbing and shocking! It seems the Vogue promotion offering new subscribers a free "exclusive red handbag" may be misleading. Although the photo that accompanies the ad shows "a red leather bag with a crocodile embossment and a clasp with over-the-shoulder straps," what actually comes in the mail is a "red canvass bag with 'pleather' handles about the size of a small gym bag." Innocent mix-up or further evidence of budget cutbacks at Condé Nast? You decide! [NYP]

Carmen Electra is 37 today. Jessica Lange is 60. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens turns 89. Real estate mogul Bill Rudin is turning 54. Ryan O'Neal is 68. Author Heidi Julavits is 41. Victoria's Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr turns 26. NFL Network chief Steve Bornstein turns 57. Artist Matthew Day Jackson is 35. George Takei of Star Trek fame is turning 72. Journalist Andrew Tobias is 62. And '80s sitcom star Joey Lawrence turns 33 today.

• Madonna fell off a horse while riding at photographer Steven Klein's house in Bridgehampton on Saturday. She wasn't seriously injured, but don't think for a minute she's taking any blame for the spill. Her flack blamed the accident on a rogue paparazzo who jumped out of the bushes and startled the horse, although both the photographer in question and the police don't share that account. [NYDN, NYP, E!]
• Uma Thurman and Arpad Busson were rumored to be getting hitched in the Bahamas on Saturday, although there's still no word on whether any ceremony actually took place. [People, UPI]
• Has Lindsay Lohan gone straight? She was spotted "flirting relentlessly" with a group of guys including Leonardo DiCaprio at a club last week. [Sun]
• Rumor has it Naomi Campbell is thinking of moving to Moscow so she can be closer to boyfriend Vladislav Doronin. Say it isn't so! [DS]

• Stocks are down in early trading today as investors brace for disappointing earnings as well as signs the recession is getting worse. [WSJ, BN]
• Bank of America reported first quarter profits totaled $4.2 billion and revenues almost doubled, not that any of that will do much to soothe angry investors, who are pushing for a change in management. [NYT, WSJ, [NYT]
• Citigroup's first quarter profit of $1.6 billion last week? That may have been the product of creative accounting more than anything else. [NYT]

Read this article about letters to the president. If you don't mind choking up.