America might be in the midst of an economic death spiral or whatever, but there still ridiculously cushy jobs available for people marketers want to reach (young/not poor). Both involve drinking, for money.

If Chris Matthews had run for senate he would have become a pandering "toady" like Arlen Specter, so he would like to obsequiously thank former nemesis Keith Olbermann for welcoming him back to MSNBC.

A year before Portfolio's launch, the magazine produced mock-ups, obtained by the New York Observer. The titles are awful, but the cover lines reveal a compelling vision editor Joanne Lipman couldn't pull off.

We've been admiring Alfredo Estrella's pictures from Mexico City since the area became the unfortunate epicenter of the swine flu outbreak.

• Swine flu fashion has arrived! Just as you totally expected it would. [Pipeline, NYM]
• David Beckham is designing a line of men's clothes. Why? Because he can, that's why. [WWD]
• Kim Kardashian is taking a stand on the importance of honest photography in supermarket tabloid journalism. It's about time, too. [Jezebel]
• A peek inside the closets of Gisele Bundchen, Naomi Campbell, and Karen Elson. [Vogue]

No, Glenn Beck isn't just a bad dream you woke up from a few weeks ago; he's the rising star of Fox News Channel and still America's leading populist demagogue. How will he stay on top?

New York has a fancy matrix graphic in which it pretends to identify which Twitterers are insipid or insightful. Oh, New York: Even Twitter's insights are insipid. Today's banalities:

Mr. T goes on jury duty, does not fail to work in his catchphrase.

A government memo shows the Federal Aviation Agency predicted "public concern" over fighter jets flying near downtown Manhattan — and yet demanded that New York officials not explain the planes' terrifying presence.

[Performance group La Machine operates a giant killer robot spider in Yokohama, Japan today. After this photo was taken, all perished. Image via Getty]

ABC News' Brian Ross styles himself a gumshoe of the old-school, and his network calls him "one of the most honored and respected journalists in the country." So why is he wrong so often?

Troubled by reports that accused murderer Philip Markoff found his alleged prey through Craigslist, a do-gooder has called for a boycott of the classifieds site. 61 out of a hoped-for 500,000 have signed up.

• Yesterday's Post piece on restaurants charging for things like water and bread and butter provoked a wee bit of controversy. Frank Bruni thinks more restaurants should be charging for bread. And Bobo's Carlos Suarez would like you to know the water fee goes to charity, so simmer down. [NYT, GS]
• Sasha Petraske's Dutch Kills may open as soon as this Friday. [UD]
• The Beatrice Inn (which is still closed, FYI) has been vandalized. [Eater]
• The latest secret bar you'll hear a lot about, but will probably never visit in person: Bohemian, which requires a swipe key to get in, and is "tucked into the back of a building that used to belong to Andy Warhol," if that's any help. [GS]

Are you aware that rats "big enough to put saddles on" are currently streaming out of Harvard University's secret underground science experiment cave, in record numbers? We thought you should know.

While she seems so nice in her movies, the real Julia Roberts works blue. At Sunday's Lincoln Center tribute to Tom Hanks the actress spoke last, and boy did she say fuck a lot.

Bill Buford, food author and just all-around wacky personality, once wrote a book in which he ate a whole pig. This is a photo by Chris Buck of Buford carrying a pig. A swine, even.

If you haven't signed up for Twitter yet, you may already be too late. According to data compiled by Nielsen Online, 60 percent of Twitter users abandon the service after the first month. [Nielsen]

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are expecting twins in a few weeks. The couple released a statement today indicating they plan to have the kids thanks to the "generous help of a surrogate," and EW reports the couple had been "trying for years to add to their family," but had been unsuccessful. Leave it to Star, though, to come up with a much darker take on the happy news: The tabloid says the couple paid a 26-year-old divorcee "tens of thousands of dollars" to carry the kids, and the couple only decided to take the surrogate route after it was revealed that "Matthew had been cheating with a 21-years-younger redheaded youth counselor." Feel free to take your pick. [EW, Star]

Now is the perfect time to make movies about the economy, because it's all anyone can talk about, so they must want to watch it, too. Specifically, someone should really do a Wall Street sequel.

Newspapers originally grew influential because they were the main source conveying information to the powerful elites about their business and political interests. And guess what? They're headed back that way! Screw democracy, etc.: