Some experts are predicting that end of the recession is now in sight and economic growth will rebound in the second half of 2009. Not Bloomberg columnist Matthew Lynn! He's looking at the very different data set: "The one lesson we can draw from the global credit crisis is that all the traditional ways of measuring the state of the economy are about as useful as a bottle of suntan lotion in a snowstorm. So here are two benchmarks we should all be monitoring more closely: extramarital affairs and the price of Latvian hookers. Both are telling us that there is still plenty of trouble ahead." Latvian hookers? We won't even begin to guess what sort of first-hand research was involved on Lynn's part, but we would recommend a thorough check of his expense report. [Bloomberg via Dealbreaker]

The gossipeuse and the leather strop you saw dining at a not-so-good Mexican restaurant in Murray Hill the other day were actually famous people. Yes you spotted them, and they were grand doyenne Liz Smith and a Real Housewife of New York, the ruined Kelly Killoren Bensimon.

This week, a former New York Times editor revealed that the NYT got handed the Watergate storywell before the Washington Post had it, but they just...forgot about it, or something. Now the full scope of this foolishness is coming out; the comedy of errors continues to this day:

How distorted is Twitter's view of the world? That question is neatly answered by Topsy, a new search engine that's like Google, except sorted by the attention-deficit-disorder sufferers who live on Twitter.

Update: That advertorial Bloodcopy post below is now clearly and accurately labeled as sponsored. Phew.

"The CEO of the nation's largest linen company went berserk and brutally beat his housemaid in his posh Upper East Side apartment—leaving her with swelling on the brain, officials said. George Bardwil, 57, who runs Bardwil Home, was charged with second degree assault in Sunday's savage attack that left the maid unconscious in a pool of blood." Bardwil, whose wife left him two weeks ago and is currently on medication, originally denied involvement in the assault; he now claims he hit her after he caught her stealing money, as if that's some sort of excuse. For the record, the blood spatter print tablecloth pictured above is not manufactured by Bardwil's company, as far as we can tell. [NYP]

The mighty Snuggie has come under assault from the doppelgangerish Slanket, the hipsterish Sealpelt, the alien mommyish Peekaru, and the camperish Lippi Selk bag. What do all these products lack? That's right: they don't look like togas. No more—the Wearable Towel is here!

["Twilight"'s Bobby Pattinson arriving on his movie set in Italy; image via INF]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] May 26 @ 7-9-30 At tonight's performance of Hair on Broadway. (How appropriate.)

The voting machines were tampered with! By "voting machines" we mean the mindless finger-dialers from Arkansas who were tricked by the nefarious AT&T syndicate into voting for, successfully, Miss Kris Allen, the straight white corn boy who defeated, in an upset, gay Frankenstein. The New York Times now cries foul.

You want a powerful opening statement, bitches? "In the annals of stupid ideas, this has got to be the worst. Ever." Ever! What is sex fiend columnist Andrea Peyser talking about? Something everyone else thought was a good idea:

Ron Perelman already has a hand in the restaurant business: He's an investor in Graydon Carter's Monkey Bar and he also happens to own the building that houses Carter's Waverly Inn. But he has a new venture in the works! He's reopening the Blue Parrot, the margarita bar/restaurant in East Hampton that's been closed since 2006. Ralph Lauren had originally planned to take over the space; when his plans fell through, Perelman swooped in. And he's assembled quite the team to give the venue another lease on life.

Bernard Kerik, former New York Top Cop and Homeland Security chief nominee (haaaaaaaaa) just got indicted! Again!

Conservatives are angry at Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor because she pronounces her name with an emphasis on the last syllable—"SotomayOR"—like a foreigner, which she may as well be because she won't talk Americun. A National Review writer, not a Fox Nation commenter, is advancing this argument.

Today we have a celebrity who's had secret abortions, a lothario actor, a summer movie star who is concerned about his penis size when he makes it with other dudes, and a secret lesbo acclaimed actreeese.

If you don't follow the denim industry closely you could be forgiven for thinking that world has gone crazy. Levi's, the Americanest jeans you can possibly buy without a flag sewn on them somewhere, is publicly endorsing gay marriage. The gays have literally wrapped themselves around George W. Bush's butt!

Because Mike Bloomberg has more money and name recognition, and you, like all New York Democrats, are scared to actually take him on and end your comfortable career?

There's a silver lining for couples struggling to procreate: The fertility industry, which has been hit hard by the abysmal economy, is now offering discounts! Faced with rapidly diminishing numbers of people seeking in vitro treatments, doctors are slashing prices and doling out coupons for their services. A year or two ago, a typical treatment might run $15,000 or more; now you, too, can have a child for the low, low price of $6,600. They're practically giving these babies away!

The New York Post cannot contain its excitement about our new Hispanic Supreme Court nominee! The millions of Hispanic people in NYC are encouraged to pick up a copy right away, and celebrate! The white rednecks of NYC are also encouraged to pick up a copy, for routine conservative sneering.

• Real estate prices are plummeting and deep-pocketed buyers are hard to come by, but that hasn't changed things at 820 Fifth, the notoriously picky co-op where 89-year-old socialite Jayne Wrightsman reigns supreme. Jeff Blau, the 41-year-old president of The Related Companies, had been willing to pay a whopping $31 million for developer Ara Hovnanian's fourth-floor apartment. But Blau and his wife Lisa were told to get lost even before they had a chance to interview (and despite an intervention by the mayor). At least they're in good company: Ron Perelman, casino mogul Steve Wynn, and oil heir Fred Koch are all past rejectees. [NYO]
• Stuart Parr—furniture designer, scenester, and boyfriend of socialite Allison Sarofim—has sold his condo at 25 Fifth Avenue for $1.35 million. [Cityfile]
• Poker champion Vadim Trincher has picked up a three-bedroom, 3,073-square-foot condo on the 63rd floor of the Trump Tower for $5 million. [P6]
• Kirsten Dunst's LA home can be yours for $1.7 million. [Real Estalker]