Negropedia Brown was pedaling furiously on his bike. He needed to return to his bodega office in fast order. His last case resulted in picketing, "Hell no, the negro must go!" the surly crowd chanted.

Here we go again - Iran's utterly losing it as you read this, and it's way, way worse this time: there's a potential world leader ready for martyrdom, shooting deaths, more rioting, and a possible national strike.

On this rainy (still???) Father's Day weekend I wanted to debut yet another new feature for the toolchest: TAN Remakes the Hits! Herewith: a remix to "21 Questions" by nutrient-enhanced rapper 50 Cent.

John Hodgman nailed an utterly hysterical speech to President Obama at the Radio and Television Correspondents dinner yesterday, slagging on media for a while, before hopefully designating Obama as our first nerd president. Obama's Vulcan salute after the jump.

Susan Boyle's lightspeed ascension to fame and inversely proportional emotional well-being has been utterly tragic. But: in what might be a watershed pop culture moment, Simon Cowell has admitted some culpability and taken responsibility in a newspaper editorial.

After being held hostage by the Taliban for seven months in Afghanistan and Pakistan, Pulitzer-winning New York Times reporter David Rohde escaped from a compound to freedom. He apparently just "climbed over the wall" but still: badass happy ending! [NYT]

At approximately 8:45 a.m. on Saturday, June 20, we ambushed Bill O'Reilly's stalker-producer Jesse Watters outside his home in Huntington, N.Y. Details and video will be up on Monday morning.

Former Huffington Post media reporter and Dan Abrams' henchwoman Rachel Sklar is pissed at her friend, blogger-journalist Jeff Jarvis. Jarvis posted a now-infamous email of hers to his blog and absolutely lit her up in the process. Sklar fired back.

The infamous Vogue editrix loses her party planner, House as a tranny-nun, Governator Ahnold's real-life action sequence, a sad Hollywood divorce, midgets, gays, nerdy Jews, scary Americans, more Gossip Girl action, and Gary Busey. Presenting your Saturday morning Gossip Roundup:

The Wall Street Journal reports: Steve Jobs had a liver transplant in Tennessee two months ago, he's in recovery, and is going to be back to work before the end of the month. Just like they said he would be.

Philippe Dauman Jr. can't stop flouting taboos. Friends remember his Park Avenue orgies. Family members note he joined Google when his father's Viacom sued it for $1 billion. Even San Francisco, we hear, is too tepid for him.

[Barack Obama points tongs at you while cooking for a group of local male students, as a kick-off to Father's Day activities; image via Getty]

Oh, what a week. Let's take a look at what happened.

Lance Armstrong uncensored his Wall Street Journal letter saying everyone hates Greg LeMond, except Lance Armstrong; Daily Show people had a vicious fight about chairs and the Economist got snarked on. The Twitterati got it out of their systems.

Toiling as an assistant within the smoldering bowels of newly-formed superagency William Morris Endeavor should, apparently, be its own reward. Because the $9.50 an hour the gig pays won't buy any other kind of reward.

Someone sent us the Associated Press' guidelines for staff social networking and, in keeping with company tradition, they're on the paranoid side. You should probably read them, since basically everyone in the world must now follow them.

We smelled a story when we read that Bo's favorite food is tomatoes, but we had no idea how deep it went. Not long after we started sniffing it out the whole tissue of lies unraveled.

[Jim Behrle's Kreepie Kats did not kare for Away We Go.]

Steve Jobs is famous for possessing a "reality distortion field" that bends people to his will. But today he's got nothing on his Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, who talked shoppers into letting him jump an iPhone line.

The Fred Phelps "God Hates Fags" lunatics weren't getting enough attention with the picketing of soldiers' funerals and whatnot, so now they are just straight-up taking on the Jews. Hey, they're coming to New York!